This is a short video with clips of several art pieces from 2013. The song I’m singing is a partial cover, the second verse of Regina Spektor’s All the Rowboats, one of my favorites.
The year is almost over and I don’t feel bad about where I’m leaving it. I have a job I’m tolerating, my family is in decent health, I’m finally managing better my own mental health and have stuck with treatment, I continue to paint, I continue with my music and writing…Things could be worse and they have been. I’m grateful for the stability given of right now.
Below is a video clip from when this song was still a work in progress (sorry for my volume). I just think spoken, the meaning may be better understood versus how I actually sing the lines. I get the feeling I come across as very confusing and I hope to be clearer moving forward. On My Videos page here there is another clip of this lyric portion a-capella.
And here is the final version with piano…
More Than Willing
Breathless and without motion,
I am taken alive. My head is
Lifted toward the light and
Every inch inside is with a
Dreaming of the sky.
Now there is no such thing as time.
There is no reason to worry and
From nothing must I hide
When this close to the soul,
When this far from the ghost
And all I’ve known of empty,
Living in loss.
This time those awful promises
Bleed of me no cost.
The pain and end to everything
Will not be made my fault.
When this close to soul
The settled path need not show,
A forward wind need not blow
As I’m more than willing to let go.
When this close
I am home.
This poem was written after I thought of how safe and at peace with being alive I felt just walking in the sunshine one afternoon. I miss being able to hold on, to anything safe at all from what my life is. Something is happening and it seems only a matter of time before I split apart.
Things aren’t well, but they never really are so I’m going to stay quiet, try to be mindful and wait it out the best I can.
A clip recorded about three weeks ago…I hate it but can’t let myself hide anymore. I just had a nervous moment where my words got lost trying to talk about the crafts I was working on. I’ll try to explain myself better next time, if I can ever get more comfortable speaking in front of the camera.
The shrug below is the first I tried to sew together (the underside is a mess of string…lol). I painted first then tried to shape it as best I could without cutting.
And this is my wall after I redecorated it back in July. The small framed canvas at the center near the top isn’t mine but one I bought for $5 at an antique store that caught my eye.
Probably too much to share at once, but I need a distraction. I’ve been having real distress over what I’m going to do about my future employment, but I had a helpful session today. I need to go in a direction that is a real commitment I don’t easily lose faith in. All options have to be open.
I’ll pass the moment…
I’m sharing the video below here to help move past some major insecurities. I’m singing an a-capella version of something I wrote. I recorded with a piano arrangement, but I think I butchered the whole thing so I went back. Most of my songs start out with no music at all like this, so I thought it was a decent one to attempt by video first (I made two).
Just to explain, I’m extremely uncomfortable with fully facing any camera and always have been. Recording something in the way I have here and re-watching it leaves me very embarrassed and desperate to apologize. Just setting aside the stupid reasons behind my shame, I am sorry. Maybe one day I can play it back and not feel so disgusted.
Anyway, below is the piano arrangement of this song I mentioned before.
I’ve had a strange week. Two interviews I thought went the best I could have expected and another week spent less interested in truly hurting myself. I understand something now that I’ve needed to understand better for a long time. It doesn’t fix everything, but helps me keep the slight grasp I feel I’ve regained recently.
Just a poem I wanted to try and perform this time. Took a while to let go of how I might look and focus totally on the actual delivery, but this is as good as it gets…Sorry for the poor quality.
As Written Off
Lines of distress –
The cold blooded crisscross of right and wrong
Brought to an end.
I am proven beyond faith and it’s final fall.
The light lingering
Less and less alive…
Just as written off
As the unheard cry…
Final version below…
Another video with more clips of art, this time set to “The Shadows”- a song probably better left forgotten about, but I remember the images in mind from when I wrote the lyrics and always thought I needed a way to really show what I saw. I guess this video just gets me a little closer to doing that.
A very old colored pencil drawing of mine.
I put together a video including an older song I wrote with clips of my art throughout. There are some new paintings and drawings included, some I’ve already posted here along with several older pieces. Just trying something new…