For So Little.
Their presence, made known.
Well they spoke by fierce shifting’s of wind.
The others, above and underworld,
Demand to be let in.
For each to stake their claim –
To make their case, settle in and have their ways
Before this spirit has chance to rise
From its final breath, be shaken dim
Its spark of life.
The desperate moment we are given a taste…
The beauty of that aged ache soullessness creates.
A glimpse past the disadvantage of human eyes –
Bridged finally within mind,
Punishment and promise defined.
I’m waiting to hear back about an interview I had on Friday. I was feeling really great about my chances, but as usual with any good feelings, it was short lived. Things are complicated at home also. My doctor mentioned something I was already reading up on called Expressed Emotion that has given me insight into what’s probably going on between my mother and I and the anger/disappointment I sense just beneath the surface from her so often. I know it’s not easy putting up with my coldness and low moods and I wish she was honest with me about just how frustrated she truly is. I’m so sorry to still be this sort of burden to her. As all over the place as I am in trying to regulate my own emotions, from the food restrictions and over exercising I can’t stop- to remembering my medication each night, it’s wearing me out worrying about every move I make around her and the rest of my family.
Nothing I’m supposed to mention though. The point of all is once again losing me.
By Any Means
Long before she even knew of no,
And those wide wings ached
To lift her high…
Agony enraptures the spark of my spine
And the cry was heard well past the
Wiser weakness of gone through.
Still I, always the untrue
And you, always the wrong
And both our skies would never fall
Were we to will them to,
The nightmare still remains to be felt
And no matter what worse way I think up to
Console myself, all is useless.
Fear has drained me and I will not get far
Before I am taken and all is ripped apart.
Then sooner be the end to both our need…
Let it come – let it have me,
Let it be shown my way.
By movement of any means
Sweat me of this sickness-
Bleed me of all regret and
For my mind again.
The painting is new, completed about two or three weeks ago. I used the poem below it as lyrics to music I was working on, which I might post one day once my embarrassment dies down…
This is a short clip of a live song performance I covered. Only the first verse and chorus. Worth being laughed at, but maybe one day I’ll feel nothing and won’t care: https://www.box.com/s/7c19e56624677b3893af
I took this shot from a moving car. I just looked up and saw a bird formation in the clouds and couldn’t pass up the chance to capture a photo of it…lol Couldn’t believe it. Below is something longer that I wrote a couple of months ago. I figured I should share it now otherwise it’ll be buried forever beneath everything else I’m trying to sort out.
A sacred place
We splay our faith
We made sure there was room
Spread out, so that nothing else would ever touch you
One sane layer and you became our part
A solid grip; a rooted soul
Risen up from far below
You are brisk breath and beat
Every act and its opposite frees your way to speak
This is all you know before you fall to sleep
Before the eye opened and sky poured a fill of dreams
Of loves and loss and memories all true yet not your own
As those above say to reach and say you need a new home
You can’t be good or right until you twinkle star bright
And fear what life here means alone
From it far impressed upon your flesh
Agate shattered and swished throughout the blood
The weakness, we were sure, would be your strength in the end
When you would know mercy and remember us again
Torn down to reconnect,
Uncover the forgotten…
Shadowers sound, thick and sharp rattling your will
Ready or not, your limbs are bound
Devoured higher mind; a vengeful heat claws out your eyes
Your crown was no exchange
You’ve no choice, no authority
With every new discipline you grow further impatient
Bypassing all wise and wealth granted by this way
But right now you say it’s worth it
The stranger’s call was urgent and they promised to replace a missing piece
Without a clue they intend to cheat you
Garden turned atrocity…
Tall blooms smoked colorless and numb
The horrifying thinness and stark dismemberment of our great tree
How can you remain so small? So thoughtless, so un-evolved when
Every offering feeds your flame?
When every center stakes your claim?
Sun gracing the summer soaked leaves
A relationship so easy
Hummingbird tracks the butterfly
See a simpler way to survive
Unusual but never alone
Betrayed by one, then the rest of her drones
For what is better the old must die
New life from what is left behind
The noises of light stop
For the noise of night
When shades beneath become the sky
And those who must- get lost to hide
Life out of sight then back again
Only what you needed knows where you’ve been
When the winds sigh…you’ll give up when it’s time
And finally give in to closed eyes