Tag Archives: poems

Staring At the Wall (original voice/piano)

I’ve gotten new recording equipment and am currently redoing older songs, but this is something completely new I wanted to share.

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11th Collection

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Pended

Pended

It was to be expected.
I broke without a sound,
and was not missed,
and so worthless once found.
Then easily let go. To save me it
would take a reach far deeper
than soul.
It would take the grace
of one small piece
convincing the whole.

Pure the pain. Heavy and true,
blinding the opposite view.
I am made of shame and
sorrows of old.
Away from God I’ve flown.

I wish I didn’t see this.
I wish I didn’t already know
it’s happened. I’ve let you down
What happens when you all find out?

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Running Out of Ways -original

Running Out of Ways

Oh my, I forgot to breathe.
My thoughts have drawn so deep.
Allow a little more room please.
You safety will no longer do.

See, I am just running out of ways
To pretend I am brave.
To keep my fears contained.
I hang my life on every word they say.

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Never Ever Known

Never Ever Known – Original song

Lyrics:

True, so true.
Afraid I am of you.
And I don’t know what to say.
I’ve never known a friend to stay.

Nobody is some lonely one
Hidden amongst the graves.
And just like him, I patiently wait
Just like him, I know the living aren’t safe.
You’re not safe. I tell you,

Take whatever it is you mean to take.
Hurt me, hate me, have your way. Because
I’ve never, ever known
A friend to stay.

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Just a little song…

Recorded just this past winter. I finally have the nerve to share. Despite the subject matter of the lyrics here, I’m doing okay. Beginning the second week as a “Coding Specialist”…lol I have to get used to that title being one I can now claim. If I get the hang of my duties, I’ll be able to work half day on Fridays, leaving time to record new music. So glad of it…

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I’m tired of being without…

A new painting is finished but as with everything I spend personal time on, its a simple idea is dragged out over weeks. I lose inspiration so quickly now. My full time job is draining me soulless. But that’s what we have to do. Another nobody having no real choice past choosing to survive. And I haven’t quite chosen that either. Though I am tired of not wanting my life. I’m tired of being without sustained motivation.

Thursday is the appointment with the new therapist. Already I’m worried about what might be expected of me. Maybe he’ll say I should be over needing this sort of help. Of maybe he’ll expect someone very distraught, tearful and clearly unwell. Whatever those expectations are, I just hope I don’t leave worse off than when I go in.

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