Tag Archives: past

In the eye of…

A watercolor.

A sketch.

A digital variation of an old painting.

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From Street View

This is the old Stearns & Fosters mattress building in a neighborhood near where I live that I said I had to get pictures of before someone decides to tear it down completely. I just thought the ruin it’s become was really beautiful in it’s way now (after a fire and years of deterioration, from what my mother says, as she worked there for several years). I did numerous variations with the photos I got, but these four are favorites- especially the one above. I uploaded several onto my zazzle site (http://www.zazzle.com/amongtheashes) and bought the color copy below for my mother recently. She has good memories from this place and liked most how that one turned out.

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Before I knew better.

A variation of one of my first paintings, when I started this sort of work as a way to cope and long before I knew I could expect worse.

I barely made it through this day. I feel trapped and as if I’m being forced into silence, by having no time now to deal with my frustration in the better ways I know to. At the same time, it’s not like I’m ever really heard anyway. My voice and loud piano annoy people, the lines I write are a foolish mess and I’m always so empty of worth. No wonder I prefer the hunger pains. Somehow it means something within is still trying to fight the hollowness. Physical hurt will always make more sense.

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As Written Off- song/video…

Just a poem I wanted to try and perform this time. Took a while to let go of how I might look and focus totally on the actual delivery, but this is as good as it gets…Sorry for the poor quality.

As Written Off

Lines of distress –
The cold blooded crisscross of right and wrong
Brought to an end.

I am proven beyond faith and it’s final fall.

The light lingering
Less and less alive…
Just as written off
As the unheard cry…

Final version below…

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So Long

The last of the photos I mentioned before.

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From behind the darkened sun.

This is a photo I took at a park one day years ago. The whole atmosphere there felt like it was trying to tell me something; I’m still trying to figure it out. The poem below started out as a short story way back, but I’m awful at writing them and rather than ditch the whole idea, I reduced it to an extended poem-like thing. Too insecure to share it before, but here it is. I had so many images in mind and tried my best to describe each scene the way I saw it. Anyway…More music, drawings and photos I’ll update with soon.

Into the After

Their roots hurt and ooze
These dreams float around this sky
Like clenched pieces of ghost strapped in dark shadow,
And on the envisioned ground, memories lay
Gutted in petrified display

I’m half way into the after
Feeling through strange tints throughout this in-between
A desolate plane, my last thoughts at the dying note’s cue
A soul has woken here alone
With bloodlessly gaping grief deep in flesh – arm and leg

And from the peek of life behind the darkened sun
I track down its scent and search out its foot steps
My old, put together self’s death greased remains
I find and drag in chains to a river of our blood
The parts I kick over the edge
And all at once- a melt and freeze
An absolute sweep of tangled bones and rot

Then I kneel and cup my hands to sip the old life liquid
Satin sheen, warm to touch, lifted to my wind crusted lips
A moment past and the drain-less gash of limb and limb
Pour resplendent and quick again, and dark reaches to close my eyes,
Fills me up, floods my mind
This world in between separates and falls away in quiet flakes,
Spirit seeping beneath now, at rest

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In Years

In Years

Evenings come with their weary bones
And broken minds
In bits they drag themselves home

Ashen eyes and obligation’s never ending need
Flattened beneath it all
Everyday for someone else’s dying belief

Dreamless remedies slid down their throats
And midnight should have been just fine,
But yesterdays followed in their years of pain to show

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Here’s an acoustic guitar version of one of my older songs,  Fall Quiet. It’s no better than the pitiful keyboard recording I did the first time around, but I just wanted this idea down too…trying to make something better when I don’t think it can be anymore.

https://www.box.com/s/b17eab70f4aadd8a291f

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