This is the latest painting I did at the request and as a small tribute to my Great Aunt Francis. She used to be a clinical dietician and has always been mindful of healthy eating habits/exercising. She is nearing her 80’s if not already past it and she is still quite active, participating in walks in several different cities. I shared with her in a letter how much I appreciated the help she gave me several years ago on a high school honors project I ended up doing well on. And I also let her in on the management of my own health (mental) which I’ve never spoken much at all about to extended relatives. She’s inspiring in her own special ways and I wanted to surprise her with this, held within a green painted frame. I’m sure she probably thought when she asked me for a painting, I would kick it to the back of mind, but I let her know I didn’t forget.
Off to NYC tomorrow and into Friday. I’ll be back Tuesday evening. IT certainly helps to say I’m leaving this city after having a very good interview earlier this morning. I’m keeping spirits up.
I went to therapy this afternoon for the first time in over a month. I can’t believe some of what I admitted to, but I see so little purpose in holding back now in any sense. I spoke to my doctor at some points as if I weren’t human at all, like my shadow had taken over and spoke in the voice I usually only hear in my mind. Surprising and disturbing things I let out, but now even I can’t run from the truth of them. He wrote his notes and who knows, they might save my life one day beyond what I expect.
Below is a first verse piano cover of a song called October by Evanescence that I find so comforting in its full version. The final recording I settled with is in the player beneath that.
These are shots I took one morning during a freezing rain.
These are a collection of Fall photos I took at a few parks and around my neighborhood during the October/November months. I have additional shots that I’ll share sometime, but these are favorites for their color. So grateful for what I did come away with this year…Hopefully I’m ready for whatever is around the corner. I feel ready.
You put us here
And we speak for you
We all infect your silence
We all want you to survive
Just focus, don’t you feel again?
It’s not time to apologize
As your thoughts fall over themselves
We let hope believe it has a chance
Sometimes there’s a way you stare us down
In fear as if we aren’t your own
In fear of just how much we’ve grown and
With us, you fear you’re further alone
Remember, we are all you have to trust
There is no one else who will listen
Or agree with you when you need control
Or lie that your best act is letting go
And be sure, you must never let us show
You must never let those other whispers know…
A recent painting, inspired by a line in a favorite song–just something I’d wanted to make sure I finished. The poem is months old, part of a bunch I’ve already lost faith in. What I’m writing now is actually scaring me for the simple fact it’s so much. None of them can really be called “poems” though, they’re too wordy and long and I’m failing miserably at this too aren’t I…
2030 Calories on the bike this morning. Enough said. I got to the doctor Tuesday.