Tag Archives: dreams

Bitten Through

This is a drawing done in oil pastel (the eye) and semi-hard pastel (background) completed recently after weeks away from dealing with colors/paints. I was hesitant to even try because I just wasn’t feeling enough to believe it wouldn’t be a waste of time. But I worked on it a few hours and think I expressed my state of mind through this drawing at the time just right. It’s about fear in a way and seeing the end of everything that mattered, it being cruelly ripped away to nothing. Similar to my thoughts behind the poem below. Sometimes it really sticks in mind that my place here could easily be erased and what I think is true and meaningful really isn’t, never was and never will be. A lot of time feeling great emptiness I guess, more time than I’ve realized.

Diminished View

We go
Away on our way –

Wings lit with the fury of flame
Your eyes spiral their hypnotized scream
We get you from here,

You weren’t meant to be

And when you finally look up
Far past the mountain peaks we set on high
Free of guarding angels
And their small and smaller gods

Far back…
Where the creators of creators will
The tiniest inch of

All existence…

Souls are shed thin – skins of life bitten through
Time and its diminished view…
The slow down we are forced into
Where nothing is.

Nothing true will be
Or has ever been

—————–

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Even Without Wings…

Sketch 45 “Even Without Wings” 12/25/2011

I didn’t want to wait to share this sketch. I’ve been listening to a song called End of the Dream and the idea came from what I imagined in mind from the lyrics of it. The poem is newer also. I’m working on another drawing to pair with something else I wrote but I’ve been slow about things lately. Trying to find some confidence and just finish up already…

The Courage

Guaranteed.
You have to be what
Others can safely step upon and over

Always at the mercy of what shifts and spins above

But what if you were not you any longer?
What if every unsharpened edge melted, then
Boiled, then spat in its great defense of your little life?

You gaze as the higher beings are lifted by their wings
Collecting here and there every fallen feather
To supply and form, layer by layer, wings of your own
With grandiose intention to shadow the sun
Or burst to ash in the attempt

The courage of a tiny blip…

Justice as you see fit,
For the window and door that would never open
You become what they are to cut them down
Strip them of their noise
Rip through to rob their core

Knowing they’ve taken from you so much more
As you have always been without a choice

———————-

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Never to Escape Me

One Secret Never to Escape Me -10/21/2011

The above drawing was sketch #34 from the batch of 40 I worked on when I was away from home in October. Every one of them were just random ideas. I thought this one fit okay with my thoughts behind the poem below, which I’d say is probably a bit disturbing from other things I’ve written but I consider that a good thing for where it comes from. A few months ago I’d worked on a set of poems written through different voices-I guess I’d call them- of my personality having to do with how I treat myself. The one here is taken with a Ninth of Swords tarot card interpretation loosely in mind. Cruelty–a great lack of compassion and being trapped in a bad situation with the worst being repeated again and again.  I’d rather explain this than to share this poem along with the others in the set than have it assumed I just wrote down random lines and put a title to them. They all connect with something I was so relieved to give words to at the time.

The Nightmare

I gather my own offerings
Fleshy fruit of
Hearts carved into
With my breath

Deliberate swell, I am in good health
I birth scores of your selves and
Have fed upon many
Their juicy excess I rinse from my lips and hands
And leave you without the chance to separate and
Dispossess your deadened reflection

Most were just infants – I tethered their heads
Severing all arms and legs
Gnawed and savored bone…
They must never grow old
Mistakes spat from the earth at the end crossroad

And the wish lingers
Bitter cold crisp after these sunsets
Rusted crowns still bound to me
Scavenging lesser identities

Of lesser obedience, lesser discipline
They gleam most content over
Half unraveled commitments
Small, shimmery riddles
And empty fulfillments

Her nightmare vision and
Ninth sword’s imprisonment
Somewhere beyond are whispers in ritual dance
We’ve captured our prey
Creature entranced with an ache
Tinctured by its find of my domain

It does you no good here to lie
To shape shift or outwit
This web of
My design

—————————-

Working on some new lyrics at the moment. Sort of fell into another song, but do see a way to finish and record before too much time passes. Unfortunately I’m settling into believing I don’t have that kind of time anymore, though I’m really just refusing to allow myself anymore time. Nobody else is here to tell me “hurry up” so I’ve got to be the one and make a decision.

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The Morning Bird

Dreamed

Deeply buried
One memorable dream
Of which I woke from smiling

There were sparkling blues and
Romantic hues of caramel and red

Of warmth and authentic grins
Sweetness… oblivion…

Destroyed with me, reborn with me
This place of home and harmony

Strange moments of grace and grand
Open and free; I take my chance

 

I started the painting as something random to work on, but then it started to take a strange shape, reminded me of a bird and I finished it with that in mind. The title is from a Sade song I love by the same name, just thought it fit.

Some of the lyrics of that song…

How could you?
You are the morning bird
Who sang me into life everyday
Fly away…

———–

As for the poem, the “I take my chance” is something I relate to the risk I’ve taken recently in placing much of my art and photos online to sell as prints. It’s really the largest ‘gallery’ of everything I’ve done over the years. I’m excited to share so much of it, but nervous. It’s one of those moments where I fear being hated for one thing or another, but I just need to remember it’s about the art. I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone, it is what it is and I’ve worked steadily for months now to make it the best I know how. I broke the categories up into four sections, Paintings PhotosVarious (includes both art & photos and just extra stuff) – and Black and White. And as far as pricing goes, it’s based on the largest size I could make each image individually but everything is still customizable.

I doubt I’ll live to do anything more than this really…It’s been fun.

Here’s the link if you’d like to see. There’s a lot I have not posted here before.

http://www.zazzle.com/amongtheashes

So all there is left is one drawing to complete, then back to writing for a bit to tie up some loose ends.

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In Dark, In Sleep

 

 

The dark, the blind and vulnerable

I am where subconscious urges roam

 

In fluid dreams; their disconnect

They speak of all things alien

 

In sleep, sorrowful memories

A fixed unease roots from the crease

 

My threaded thoughts fray unstrung

My secure world becomes undone

 

 

A simple one that started out apart of another poem I am working on. This section I thought was better on its own.

 

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Filed under Art, Life, poems, poetry