From a sketch. I’ve been having some really bad weeks here. But I am glad I actually got this painting done.
Tag Archives: blood
Unprepared; the world says I have to want to be.
Haven’t the angels seen my desperate screams?
God, put me to sleep,
Forget my promises you keep
If I could only cleanse or clip away the wrong in me
Chain and whip the numb and all excesses I perceive
But selfish me, lazy me, so lazy I’ve stopped eating
In a horrid, bloody daze where I fearfully envision
That my guilt ridden cuts could never be made deep enough
There are new wounds for each day my death
Runs over due.
This is a summary I guess, of the last two or three major entries here I’ve made. The running thoughts, and blank numb moments I am trying to make sense of right now.
I polished this a little bit more and thought it right to re-post it now. It is all a true story, one no one in my life knows about, and one I don’t ever intend to explain to them, because of how difficult it would be to honestly understand where I am coming from without being sickened or afraid. I could be wrong, but I just don’t think they’re ready for something like it, and I am not ready myself to have the words leave me.
At a selfish hour, with rightly selfish thoughts
Lines so overwhelmed in agony are taught
To be my shock from a pleading secrecy
To scream; to justify the pain and the release.
Generous moonlight, illuminated tears
I hide my twitching sanity in sheer.
A lasting sorrow with night only to care
It’s the leaning, slit, the drip and stare.
Reap, to rid my eyes of their breathing hue.
The nightmarish things I put my soul through
Dangerous hope with razor hostility
The longing, the depth in red defeat.
There’s a throbbing chill, I’ve practiced this before.
Dark dream, reality, the feeling I’ve prayed for
The shadows wade low, grieving what they see,
Swallowing the sight of a desperate bleed.