This is left over from when I was finger painting (most of the background work) and then throwing in a few brush strokes, an unplanned mess.
After a week feeling a strange anger toward my therapist and more intensely toward myself, I spent the last seven days leveling into a sadness and acceptance that I don’t think I could have managed further on without finally establishing. I may hate the circumstances I’m in, but I cannot keep skipping around with different ideas to act on all in the attempt to avoid more pain and feeling trapped in a worse way. I can tolerate what I’m stuck doing at this point, and as long as I’m not treated any worse at work, I’ll be okay for a few months or more if that’s the sentence I’m given…
Here are two more recent songs, one is the complete version of an earlier video clip I shared here and the other is also a complete recording from a poem I’d posted while it was still in progress.
I Forgive You
The shield has worn of its kindness
And hope is torn from its blindness.
Every face you see – my every identity
Soon buried and blessed,
My very best, soon laid to rest.
I won’t wait for you, my sister.
I won’t wait like the fool.
The patience of you made sure
You’ll never move.
You will never do what must be done.
The fear must be overcome.
And I forgive you, mother –
I forgive you and the other,
But don’t waste my time –
Don’t think you can change my mind.
Your love is the reason why I would
Rather die than to trust my heart
But for you, not even
Blood was enough to stay.
Your screams will not save you
From the nightmare,
From my nightmare
There is no escape.
And the 2nd:
I remember someone once commenting that my songs with piano were grating, both of which these probably fall into being as well, but I’m okay with it. I won’t attempt singing these again anyway for the trouble I had following my notes…lol I had fun though.