Secrets

Before a mirror glazed in icy tears
A question breaks the mental blank
Would I tell the truth if I could?
I can never say what help needs
Haven’t found the worth to save myself like I should
I’ve imprisoned my angel; Lies to the smiles
Devious musings masked behind lightly curled lips
Behind eyes that daze in just the right way
Yet still, what fuels me is shook

And reoccurs the sickening doubts
Every chapter still unmarked
Unclear of what and where I’ll be
I use the blade to try and rip the page,
Maybe I’ll never have to see
Then back to the corner again for the punishing
To return some sanity from my attempts to distract
Yet stung by the endless impatience

This all is someone’s fault, but I make sure to pay in blood
Crafting grief from stolen chances, letting go was not enough
I’d drip the black dye in hints
Hoping someone would know
Broken further down, and unforgiving when they don’t
Slaughtering the spirit from discussions with my shadow
Convincing words placed in a dark, honest hope
Encouraging the risk ‘We’ll end this numbness for good, and replace you to sweet darkness from whose comfort you were took…’

But only in rare dreams do I bleed every reason from fear
Visions that yield to my control
I know how to make them real
Give in to my last ambitions
Slit the throat of intuition
And shatter this mirror that never gave mercy to reality
The last bloody tears will glimmer as they fall
Kiss the end from ruined skin and ears so deaf to the rest
The final death and found relief from these painful secrets

God knows my undeserving soul
The one left in isolation, dying for too long
But I pray for the will
For my way in letting go
To finish my destruction, and sever this life’s hold

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3 responses to “Secrets

  1. unknownwriter49

    look within for the will…and look for a soul who will help

  2. Miki

    You can feel the pain in the voice of the “character”. True poetry makes it easy to depict what the author is going though. You’ve done well here! There are so many flashes of images that come to mind as I read this poem. Though I don’t think any of them will do yours justice, I do find it safe to say that you’re now on my blogroll and I’m a certified subscriber.

  3. I like that you compared the physical structure of an anatomy’s vessel to a book, or rather slightly pataphysically embroiled familiarity of one’s body to chronological content kept closely to reflect and refract a history hoping to learn and not repeat it….. Or at least that’s what my stupid process conjured. Have a good day, peace. Zach.

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