Running Out of Ways
Oh my, I forgot to breathe.
My thoughts have drawn so deep.
Allow a little more room please.
You safety will no longer do.
See, I am just running out of ways
To pretend I am brave.
To keep my fears contained.
I hang my life on every word they say.
Never Ever Known – Original song
True, so true.
Afraid I am of you.
And I don’t know what to say.
I’ve never known a friend to stay.
Nobody is some lonely one
Hidden amongst the graves.
And just like him, I patiently wait
Just like him, I know the living aren’t safe.
You’re not safe. I tell you,
Take whatever it is you mean to take.
Hurt me, hate me, have your way. Because
I’ve never, ever known
A friend to stay.
Just a title for the picture.
At work I have some paintings and other prints of my art in my cubical and people come by ever so often and ask about them. I give out a link to my print site sometimes and say I’m going to update it with new stuff soon, but that always feels like a joke the moment I speak.
I think I’m going to drop the site altogether. I feel too…done. In every way, without desire to consider my chance of having my time spent here matter. This lonely life is not one I want anymore. Can’t change it. My personality is fixed and there is no undoing the wrong. That means I have nothing but “going down hill” to look forward to. I wake up with that, got to sleep with that and pray I won’t have to wake up to it all over again. It’s madness.
Well maybe, we always say.
Maybe someone new will stay.
For all the pieces I can dream,
Nothing good to life I bring.
And for the years, haven’t I gone bad?
Have I not been driven mad?
Far too well I know the hate:
Possessing. Reaching for the blade.
Crying where is my heaven in this hell?
Hope. How else? A bit of lying to oneself.
Endure however long.
I hold on just to hold on.
A few weeks old.