Passive Aggression

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Just a title for the picture.

At work I have some paintings and other prints of my art in my cubical and people come by ever so often and ask about them. I give out a link to my print site sometimes and say I’m going to update it with new stuff soon, but that always feels like a joke the moment I speak.

I think I’m going to drop the site altogether. I feel too…done. In every way, without desire to consider my chance of having my time spent here matter. This lonely life is not one I want anymore. Can’t change it. My personality is fixed and there is no undoing the wrong. That means I have nothing but “going down hill” to look forward to. I wake up with that, got to sleep with that and pray I won’t have to wake up to it all over again. It’s madness.

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Sable

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March 31, 2017 · 4:48 pm

Endure

Endure

Well maybe, we always say.
Maybe someone new will stay.
For all the pieces I can dream,
Nothing good to life I bring.

And for the years, haven’t I gone bad?
Have I not been driven mad?
Far too well I know the hate:
Possessing. Reaching for the blade.
Crying where is my heaven in this hell?
Hope. How else? A bit of lying to oneself.

Endure however long.
I hold on just to hold on.

A few weeks old.

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In Prayer

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January 21, 2017 · 11:03 pm

Night Will Fall

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I like how unexpected this came together. Standing before a drop into a waterfall, my mind goes to being purified. Leaving the past and present altogether…

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A little song.

Something from last Friday. Still lonely old me at my piano. Things we do to keep our grip in life…

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Live On.

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Something I began a few weeks ago for suicide prevention week. I wanted to draw a symbol that touched on some of the difficult emotions suicide can bring up. I look at this and remember my own past with suicidal thoughts, feeling as if being removed from the lives of those around me would be better for them and a perfect answer for me. Knowing whether I’m here or not, life goes on. I can’t let go of believing life has to show up beneath the ashes eventually. With that, the weight has been easier to bear.

 

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