“And watch my purple sky fly over me” -Imaginary by Evanescence
This painting is an attempt at following instruction from this art magazine my mother bought me weeks ago. I have never felt comfortable trying projects out like this because they turn out to be real disappointments. And this is just that, being the second attempt at a particular portrait assignment. One I won’t revisit until I have an idea to make it better, more “me” and less uninspired…
I went to the yoga class :) It was fun. But by trying to do each new pose perfectly, I became more tense rather than less. I forgot to breathe while motioning to different poses and I’ve not sweat the way I did in that class in a very long time…lol I intend to pay for a ten class pass. I enjoy it more I think with a group than what I manage to do on my own. But I will still practice alone, especially when I feel too much of a mess to show up.
Other than this stuff, it’s been work work work. I have the next four days off though, and I will fill every moment catching up on art, writing/music, and considering what to do next overall. School again or just continue searching for a different job no matter what field… I left off here with my therapist last week. Having said I would do anything not to feel trapped as I do so badly at times. I mentioned the self-injury of the past being tied to that same feeling. Some days it seems I could easily turn back and choose to do wrong, messing things up that are going well. Just because, you know? I guess it comes back to not feeling as if my life is really my own. I don’t know where I belong. Sort of like I’ve been waiting forever in a line and when my turn finally comes, I go up and see everything is already gone. I really hate that. I hate how it’s been replaying in my head.