Monthly Archives: October 2015

Cultivating Soul

A new painting finally :) A lot has been going on, but it’s good overall. I’m still working and trying not to allow myself to feel trapped. The meds are still working. Therapy is still going well. I’m faltering a bit on the affirmations, but nothing I can’t regain.

I’m taking more challenges and the next one is attending a church service this Sunday. My uncle goes to this particular place every week and he loves it and said he would meet me there in the morning. This Sunday is my birthday and doing something so different I hope will set me up for a year of other opportunities to go beyond my boundaries and fear. I am not religious, but I’ve been advised to try this out to see if the sense of community/acceptance can be given a chance to reach me. I’ve admitted to feeling stuck in isolation, as if I’m the biggest fool for thinking it will end. And those thoughts dig the grave deeper than it ever needs to be. I can’t live in this position any longer. It’s better to risk everything now and be destroyed by it than endure the same hesitations that have already taken enough of my life.

Besides the service on Sunday, I’m going out to eat an expensive dinner and dessert somewhere and not care about the money for once. Not the money, the calories, the crowd and the Monday to follow will disturb me. Then I’m coming home to continue practice with the new digital keyboard I bought myself earlier this month (I still have the piano, but now I can practice any time, day or night and not wake the house with my noice…lol). Forgetting bits and pieces of songs I used to know like the back of my hand is what pushed me to make the purchase and I don’t regret it at all.

Anyway, I didn’t expect to see 26. This will stay with me.

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Trust. Step into this moment.

I’m going to stop talking so much about the day to day now. With no one waiting for me and no goal to reach, right now is the only thing worth worrying about. The therapist I work with now gave me a task of deciding on some affirmations to keep in mind. I was surprised focusing on them actually did work to push me along a little further than my will usually goes. I took the advice seriously though. I really have no choice now.

I am an active, assertive, sincere and worthy woman.

Say it enough and it will begin not to feel so much like a lie I’m, I hope. Considering before my actions if they are what an assertive or sincere woman would do. How active in life and doing what would make one feel worthy…

It’s given me a lot of good to think about. I’m glad.

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My D.C. Photos

Below is the slide of my Washington D.C. photos. Some I’ve added a little light to because of the gloomy Saturday many were taken on. The trip was really two days of touring monuments and museums. I went with my mother and she’s in a few of these photos. I would love to go back to finish checking out the Smithsonian museums. We only scratched the surface…

Into the White House

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