Breath of Fresh Air

Like taking in a breath of fresh air…That’s just what it brings to my mind.

I’ve had three sessions so far with my new therapist. The goal is to help me change the way I consider myself when around others–less negative self talk, which only helps me get in my own way. But there is no real life as I go about my days, you know? I get through, barely keeping my head above water, and all to say at the end it’s for no reason.The emptiness is killing me.

I’m thinking about stopping all of this treatment. My personality is too fixed now and I felt settled after this last session that I may be a total waste of time. He has no idea how hopeless I’ve become.

And no one else cares even the slightest. And I don’t want them to now. I don’t need to be taught how to lie to myself. Maybe nothing can make me feel better. And I’m okay with that now too. I want to say goodbye and walk away so badly. I dream of that. With no way or need to go back. It would be nice to not wish my life away any longer. The past is all the proof needed that I didn’t deserve one anyway.

Now if I can be open enough to share this whole bit, he may just agree. I may just be right.

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2 Comments

Filed under Life

2 responses to “Breath of Fresh Air

  1. I love your painting. It truly is a breath of fresh air.
    I haven’t been around on WP for a while, and am sorry to see you’re still struggling, and glad you’re still around. I wish there was something I could say, but I suppose there’s really only “hang in there”.
    Do you know Robot Hugs? One of the subjects the artist regularly treats is depression / mental illness.

  2. Perhaps the lying to self is in the negativity. Slowing chipping away at it may just formulate a new dream. Thinking of you.

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