At Spring Grove Cemetery – October 2014
I just finished editing a decent sized collection of photos at this cemetery near my home. A full time work schedule led me to delay them until I decided I’ve had enough neglecting the only thing I live for, the real work I love to do. So, there are more of these to come along with pictures from my second trip to Chicago I went to earlier this month.
The good news of this week is my brother having been called for an interview at the place I work, which I think has the perfect sort of work he could live with for a while. I may have difficulty with the place, but he’s far more consistent than I, and he has no mood disorder complicating this whole business of living…
All I can say is I’m glad to meet with my psychiatrist next Friday. I feel disturbed for having not said all I should have at my last appointment. I think I do need to continue psychotherapy, along with my medications. Therapy helped me in the way of keeping me accountable in what I decide to do. I’m getting careless now – all but quitting the choir, intensely wanting to quit my job and say no to trying for any other job opportunities. Very close to saying no to life altogether. And I don’t believe these thoughts have much to do with my depression or side effects of the meds. It all comes from a very demoralized state of mind. I hear the exhaustion in my breathing and see it in my eyes. I need help, but even this seems a set up to disappointment. There may be no help from the outside on this.
I’m really on my own.