I thought this painting fit well with the poem song here I wrote some time ago, as well as with the discussion that went on in the support group I met with on Thursday. We spoke about how much energy it takes putting on a face for everyone when you’re experiencing depression and struggling with its symptoms. It’s an illness that I had only thought I knew well before actually absorbing myself in research and many books, explaining things I went through yet never had a name or particular answer for. Like how I’ll be really low in the morning and gradually feel better toward late afternoon, or how I could be so paralyzed and would do nothing but stare at my walls from hour to hour. Now I’m positive I’m not the only one. It isn’t just me over-thinking or imagining.
The song with piano: https://app.box.com/s/bwdqfgymzplk0f0spsl3z5h23b14vc4r
It loves my skin.
All these kisses red and sweet.
It loves the mess I’m in.
The hopelessness I need.
Battered shell I’m bruised within.
Let breathe this blood again – again.
Face the corner, all you aren’t is set aside.
Your disguise and everything it takes from you to lie.
The ghosts I’ve walked through wonder where I’ve been.
They return me from my far reach
And the loss I’ve become since.
I intend to continue going to the support group, especially as I’m still looking for a therapist to start again with. My psychiatrist has added another anti-depressant to the one I’ve been taking after I mentioned feeling as if I’m limping along now–well but not really well enough. And I omitted some stuff I should have said but was too scared to. Maybe next time. Surely.