Mother of Light
Finally complete. It is painted on a 2ft square piece of plywood. I will look for a frame and find a place for it on my wall. This painting may make the least sense (having no clear idea when I started), but the colors I find calming to just gaze at. The background gets across a refreshing energy I wish I could take with me.
This past Thursday I went to my first support group meeting with NAMI. I was the only new person this week, but I was lucky to come in on a day where the room had all seats filled and we all shared a great amount of useful tips and support. Just getting through that without feeling shunned or diminished was a relief. I intend to go back and make it a regular thing. I found myself really hanging on to the very thought of meeting the group during the days before because of the strong sense of loneliness I’m unable to shake. At work I go largely unnoticed. No family to turn to, no friend to even keep company with, and the brick wall always being run into for how unending it all seems.
I know that is all it is though. A feeling that will pass. Yet it’s the return that becomes unbearable. Again fighting the same fight, surviving one wave only to be threatened with another. That’s hard to build any life around. But others have done it and I’m not a meaningful exception. I’m not taking for granted how good my situation is overall right now. There is a trip returning to Chicago next week to look forward to and I won’t trouble myself to think far beyond it to worry about. Not now.