I have notified everyone necessary about my break from the choir for the rest of April if not the rest of our singing season before fall returns. With that extra time I hope to fall in with another doctor. I’ve already got an appointment set, but I don’t yet know if this psychiatrist offers psychotherapy as well. I’m doubting it, which will mean making another appointment with a psychologist somewhere and learning how to manage between the two regarding my medication.
In the background of all this, I still wonder what the hell is the point. But things are okay right now. I’m not hurting myself outright and while my thoughts can become vicious from time to time, I’m in no rush to act. This week will mark 9 months full time on my job. The closer I get to a full year, the more freedom I expect to at least feel, if not set on a new course by then. I may return to school for something else, or I might hit the road somehow and be the starving artist. I wouldn’t last long alone, but it offers a conclusion of my own terms. I am nothing better than the next person, so why not do what makes me feel closer to my honest self? Life as it is right now for the next 20 or 30 years scares me more than turning away at the risk of dying young.
Just some thoughts. In the mean time, there is much music to record.