I have posted this in the past some years back, but it is what I’ve been feeling. All day and night, unspoken, unwritten and what I’ve tried to keep contained. But when you have a mind that is not always on your side, I could try anything and it would not be enough to leave me totally safe.
I just feel like letting go. Every time this happens, what else do I do but ignore it and try again to get by. I always make it through, but for what exactly? I’m actually begging for a real answer to hang on to. Always another thing, to save my life. And I am getting tired of it.
Art is what I strive for. Fearing I’ll never be able to make the moment happen again where I see the finished work that all my energy has gone into, I approach each project with it clearly in mind that it could be my last. A real fear that one day I won’t be able to even try.
But I am still working. Pained by how slowly these things are coming together, but they are. And I’m still here with a bit of hope as Spring tries to show itself finally. If I pray at all anymore, it is only for that. Real hope that for once will not fail me.