I Confront Day – This was drawn more than a year ago, and finally completed less than a month back. I thought it fit well to pair with a line from this poem I wrote and made a song of:
With heavy heart
I confront day.
Alone to find the way,
I have lost my words. I have lost all thought.
I feel no worth. I feel so caught between a
Past of losses and a future that will not forgive.
It has been long I’ve waited.
The need within turns to hatred.
Who I’ve become could not be more wrong.
The far beyond has heard my call.
To final breath I give my all.
With heavy heart
I take the fall.
My eighth collection of originals is finished and added to the page where the rest are. I’m sending a handful of people I have addresses to a cd of these recent pieces along with lyrics. For too long my songs have felt like having a stash of personal paintings that have never been shown- art never even given the opportunity to be seen (in this case, heard). So that’s all I’m doing. Even if no one takes a serious listen to anything or it’s instantly trashed, it settles my mind enough to know it’s out there and no longer a secret I only know of. I don’t continue singing with an expectation that it will add more to my life than it already has, and the same goes with painting. But to work on something with such focus, time and of personal significance, keeping it all to myself forever would never do. Whether or not it makes sense, for me doing that would feel wrong. I hide enough on a day to day basis. I don’t need to that with my art and I never want to.
Anyway, I think I will follow through with the choir for our Spring concert if I’m confident I’ll know the music in time. And work is…bearable. Sad to say I’m nearing just 7 months in February and it’s the longest I’ve ever worked full time…I am showing up everyday, on time and I make no excuses. This is the best I can do. Wherever it leads me to, there will be no guilt.