This is one of few paintings I had to go back and fix/add to. Free hand, abstract things like this can get even messier if I am not focused or free enough in mind to not be bothered by having no image planned. And I certainly didn’t when I started it. With the title, the finished version reminds me of the hand bells sound included in the November concert I had with my choir. I don’t know of the rules about depicting what a sound looks like or if it even makes sense, but whatever. I have no award to win.
I have completed the eighth music collection I’ve spent time recording over the last three/four months. I sent out the first copy today to a friend along with a card for his birthday. I told him I know home recordings aren’t much of a gift, but that it was important for him to have these recent works, even if they go unheard. Others will be bothered with a copy sent in the mail, too. I just have to get my personal letters written out to each first.
And from here, I don’t know. I had another near crisis last week and hate myself for not scheduling a session before leaving my previous one. I don’t know exactly why going to therapy helps me, but it does. I rarely leave there feeling like a lost cause, and if I am to break these awful patterns that bury me deeper, the last things I need to do is separate myself from the process longer than necessary. I have my own money now and it’s time I stop feeling guilty for putting my own needs as a priority.