In Free Fall

I had a falling out with someone at work who I thought was being genuine with me. He actually sought me out. We exchanged emails, I shared some of my art and we chatted that way for a few weeks. I’d said I would try to make arrangements to meet one Sunday to catch a movie with him, but after a few days passed with no response to a question regarding this, I changed my mind. When he did finally respond, I said I wasn’t interested in going out anymore. Then he had the nerve to say it was an insult to change my mind as I did. After that I pretty much let loose on him in a cutting stream of lines and I said I didn’t want to be bothered by him any longer. My only regrets are wasting ink to print out art for him and actually giving one small original piece as a gift.

I gave too much in conversation too. In our emails, he would basically repeat everything I said, never adding depth with his own perspective. That should have been the sign I paid attention to and severed things quickly at the start of our “friendship”. I have no experience with dating, so at least all of this helps me establish what I care about or would prefer in a partner (as if I’ll ever have one).

Anyway, my world continues to get smaller. I’m alone everywhere I go in one way or another and it’s ruining whatever good is left in me I believe. When I’m desperate to reach out and try speaking up, all the air leaves me and I can’t follow through. Just for one person not to leave or automatically want something from me when I admit my loneliness here. I accept no one will understand why or know what to do. I just don’t want to be left stranded like this any longer…


1 Comment

Filed under anger, Art, depresson, friendship, loneliness, trust

One response to “In Free Fall

  1. It’s not easy. Not easy for anyone to find that certain connection. Someday.

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