The last two weeks have been a strange mix of complications, guilt/self-hate, and worry. I’ll just bunch it up with saying I almost turned in a notice at my job and considered some finer details for what to do when I was finished holding onto hope. I’m being messed with along with my coworkers at work over things we can’t control. It all really shook me up and I thought I was going to be taken out of my position. And I couldn’t make it to an interview I really put faith in having meaning toward a change in these circumstances.
So, I feel like I’ve been over the edge and back again. Scaring myself and my poor mother more than I realized at the time. But things are looking up I think. She’s agreed to come to a session with me and talk to my therapist about her concerns. I hope it helps her to end the blame she tends to cast on him whenever I take a dark turn.
The good news of this week is I’ve completed several new songs I am very happy with. It’s funny how a short recording can make me feel like I accomplished something that is more important than what the truth is…Just small things extending my small life a few more quiet moments than it’s due.