Hope Exists

This is something I wrote after having a childhood memory. The 3rd & 4th sections are what I used as my audition piece this past Saturday for the MUSE women’s choir.

For You to Live (MP3 Final version –http://po.st/SooWRa)

The scene after the fall
So long ago I saw.
A child I was all.

And dimly glows the promise
For all the hope that could exist
And ever since. Ever since…

You will leave me and how I fear
How I know I won’t make it here.
So small I am in my need.
By only you do I breathe.

Please hear me!
Everything I am with,
My heartbeat, my soul I would give
Anything for you to live.

The whole thing took about 15 minutes. At the end when I was to sing my prepared piece, I thought for a split moment how foolish I might look, possibly being the only person to show up with a song they personally wrote. But I sang it with as much strength and steadiness I could gather for those short moments and got through the piece without forgetting a word or cracking my voice. Later that afternoon I get a voice message saying I’d been accepted :) They were undecided about whether I was for the Soprano 2 section or the Alto 1 section, but during my audition I said I was previously placed as an Alto 1 back in the school chorus. My range was just heard a lot wider than even I expected that day.

I can’t believe I actually followed through…lol. Even a day or two before the audition I considered cancelling due to the stress I’ve been feeling. I didn’t think I was up to faking that everything was alright, but luckily I was in a decent mood audition day. I actually shared about my reasons for songwriting and about how it’s helped me cope with my recurrent depression over the years. They didn’t shun me for any of it and when I finished my piece, by the look on their faces I think they appreciated what I’d shared a bit more for hearing it themselves.

Work again for the next two weeks before the NYC trip. I just sent word to one of the choir leaders that I will have to miss the first rehearsal night for being out of town. I said I understood if it meant I was now not allowed to continue, but also that I’d work even harder to stay caught up. I know how bad it looks to be new and miss such an important rehearsal as the first, but I hope some arrangement can be made. If not, I’ve lost nothing for trying and have gained confidence that I can hold my own when it matters.

I’ve also increased my meds. So much change will hit me one way or another and I can’t allow it to throw me so far off as I know it can. Doing all I can to prevent disaster…

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2 Comments

Filed under Life

2 responses to “Hope Exists

  1. Brilliant Allyson! I’m so very pleased for you! I am however, not surprised that you were accepted. I also think that you should be oh so proud of yourself for singing your own work. The chorus is fortunate to have you. So happy for you!!!

    • I’m very grateful for your encouragement, Elena. If I choose to continue with the choir fully committed, I’m up for the challenge. And that includes not abandoning my art or my own music projects. All will have to find it’s time and place with these changes.

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