The wait.

Some happier images to share….This has been a really long three months.

I have one more week of class. Review day. My exam is next Saturday at 8am. Five hours and forty minutes to take the test and then I will finally be able to breathe.

At this point I don’t care what the outcome is. Sure I will do my best (I’ve read the whole text and taken my practice final twice over now), but I need to get this over with now and move on.

Last week I asked to be placed on call with the store I work at. The hours were being cut down to the point it was a waste of gas for me to bother going out there. At least now I can still say I am indeed employed still as I apply and interview elsewhere. I know I will find something eventually. Better? Who knows, but surely something.

I set up a therapy appointment for yesterday, mainly for another prescription but also to update with all that’s been going on. But as I was going on about something, my doctor interrupted with asking if there was any particular reason I was there. I took it as an indication I was wasting his time, felt embarrassed, said I didn’t need to stay, got the script and left quite early.

I know I exist in my own bubble, isolated from others ever knowing what I do or why. And I suppose I’m so out of practice with describing my thoughts to others that it must sound to him like I’m talking in circles about nothing at all.

It’s all fine though. I’m going to taper the medication, stop all together soon after and then see how well I can handle life with nothing and no one. That is my sentence and I’m going to have to be okay with that or allow it to kill me. None of this is worth the struggle anymore.

Can’t wait to get back to my art…



Filed under Life

3 responses to “The wait.

  1. I’ve got a feeling that your exam will be fine. Test taking nerves aside, you are really bright (evidenced through this blog). I’m also guessing you’ll feel a bit better afterwards. Your flowers above sing with color and enthusiasm!

    • *Hugs* Very grateful to you for listening, Elena. When it feels like you’re being drowned out by the storm, that makes all the difference in making it through. Thank you.

  2. Steven Fox

    In regards to the tests, there is no reason to further pressure yourself because what really matters is the knowledge you take away. We can’t control our anxiety but we can take control of the aftermath. Believe in yourself. Life goes on and just keep doing the best you can.

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