I have one more week of class. Review day. My exam is next Saturday at 8am. Five hours and forty minutes to take the test and then I will finally be able to breathe.
At this point I don’t care what the outcome is. Sure I will do my best (I’ve read the whole text and taken my practice final twice over now), but I need to get this over with now and move on.
Last week I asked to be placed on call with the store I work at. The hours were being cut down to the point it was a waste of gas for me to bother going out there. At least now I can still say I am indeed employed still as I apply and interview elsewhere. I know I will find something eventually. Better? Who knows, but surely something.
I set up a therapy appointment for yesterday, mainly for another prescription but also to update with all that’s been going on. But as I was going on about something, my doctor interrupted with asking if there was any particular reason I was there. I took it as an indication I was wasting his time, felt embarrassed, said I didn’t need to stay, got the script and left quite early.
I know I exist in my own bubble, isolated from others ever knowing what I do or why. And I suppose I’m so out of practice with describing my thoughts to others that it must sound to him like I’m talking in circles about nothing at all.
It’s all fine though. I’m going to taper the medication, stop all together soon after and then see how well I can handle life with nothing and no one. That is my sentence and I’m going to have to be okay with that or allow it to kill me. None of this is worth the struggle anymore.
Can’t wait to get back to my art…