Monthly Archives: June 2014

The wait.

Some happier images to share….This has been a really long three months.

I have one more week of class. Review day. My exam is next Saturday at 8am. Five hours and forty minutes to take the test and then I will finally be able to breathe.

At this point I don’t care what the outcome is. Sure I will do my best (I’ve read the whole text and taken my practice final twice over now), but I need to get this over with now and move on.

Last week I asked to be placed on call with the store I work at. The hours were being cut down to the point it was a waste of gas for me to bother going out there. At least now I can still say I am indeed employed still as I apply and interview elsewhere. I know I will find something eventually. Better? Who knows, but surely something.

I set up a therapy appointment for yesterday, mainly for another prescription but also to update with all that’s been going on. But as I was going on about something, my doctor interrupted with asking if there was any particular reason I was there. I took it as an indication I was wasting his time, felt embarrassed, said I didn’t need to stay, got the script and left quite early.

I know I exist in my own bubble, isolated from others ever knowing what I do or why. And I suppose I’m so out of practice with describing my thoughts to others that it must sound to him like I’m talking in circles about nothing at all.

It’s all fine though. I’m going to taper the medication, stop all together soon after and then see how well I can handle life with nothing and no one. That is my sentence and I’m going to have to be okay with that or allow it to kill me. None of this is worth the struggle anymore.

Can’t wait to get back to my art…



Filed under Life

Stay with me.


Things have gotten dark at home. I almost wish I weren’t surviving it all, alone with the chaos that goes on around here…I don’t understand continuing. More of what I’ve known makes so little sense now.

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Filed under Art, depression

Consider the Sound.

Below is the sixth full playlist of music I’ve worked on for the past 8-9 months, also placed in the music page here along with the other collected lists. I thought I would have gotten this sort of work out of my system a long time ago, but I seem to rely on it too much for that to truly happen now. I appreciate what I take away from creating at all for that to truly happen.

And I’m considering auditioning for the MUSE women’s choir in the city this coming August. We can sing what we want, I just need to practice my sight reading…We’ll see.




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Gifts for her 65th.

My mother’s birthday is tomorrow. I painted these birdhouses as my gift to her this year.

And this is the message on the back of the first one I completed…

And there’s a painted card to go along too. I’m just relived I didn’t have to cut out my plan as I tried to get my studying and work in this week. Good news is I’ve finished the text book material and for the next 2-3 weeks I’ll be taking practice exams. Very busy I’ve been…I’ll be glad to slow it all down soon.




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Filed under Life