Dark Self, Dark Soul
The moment I spoke
Dark angel caught my breath and
Gathered my control.
The awful will of rage was then let go.
A spill of words so bold
Of a daring I have never known.
This hatred I must own.
This hatred of self and soul…
I die again alone.
I miss the feeling of having a close friend. I miss actually believing I mattered to somebody–less in the way as a cold fact and more real emotion within to recognize. It’s true things are different now in many ways. I’m not on the edge daring myself to fall anymore, but I’ve not been completely won over either. And I guess I might never be that safe again, but maybe there still is more good that has yet to show.
I’ve painted another little mother’s day card and found a sweet quote to include. My mother knows she’s the only one I’ve really kept hanging on for. I really don’t deserve her generosity or the faith in life she has shared with me. But I will try not to fail any further than I’ve managed to. I will try to believe as she does my patience will be worth it.