The awful will of rage was then let go…

Dark Self, Dark Soul

The moment I spoke
Dark angel caught my breath and
Gathered my control.
The awful will of rage was then let go.

A spill of words so bold
Of a daring I have never known.
Rejected, abandoned…
This hatred I must own.

This hatred of self and soul…
I die again alone.

 —

I miss the feeling of having a close friend. I miss actually believing I mattered to somebody–less in the way as a cold fact and more real emotion within to recognize. It’s true things are different now in many ways. I’m not on the edge daring myself to fall anymore, but I’ve not been completely won over either. And I guess I might never be that safe again, but maybe there still is more good that has yet to show.

I’ve painted another little mother’s day card and found a sweet quote to include. My mother knows she’s the only one I’ve really kept hanging on for. I really don’t deserve her generosity or the faith in life she has shared with me. But I will try not to fail any further than I’ve managed to. I will try to believe as she does my patience will be worth it.

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2 Comments

Filed under Life

2 responses to “The awful will of rage was then let go…

  1. Allyson, you have more people around you who care then you know. I think we all yearn for a close friend. They seem to come along when you’re looking the other way:)

    • You are so right about that, Elena…lol The moment I stop searching and feeling the difficulty is when whatever I need might actually find me. It’s not in my control and even when it hurts, I’ll keep hoping. Have a great weekend.

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