Monthly Archives: May 2014

From the gray to black…


A poem I put music to spontaneously one afternoon. The recording below sounds a bit more clean due to a few more practice runs that day. I’m happy with it and wanted to share.

On My Worst Days

All things are given their place.

All people, in all their ways
Slip from the gray to black on
My worst days,
When every shadow has its say.

And feeling will
Share its love for me over fact.
The dark within I’ve
Died to see…

We are never to look back.

 

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The awful will of rage was then let go…

Dark Self, Dark Soul

The moment I spoke
Dark angel caught my breath and
Gathered my control.
The awful will of rage was then let go.

A spill of words so bold
Of a daring I have never known.
Rejected, abandoned…
This hatred I must own.

This hatred of self and soul…
I die again alone.

 —

I miss the feeling of having a close friend. I miss actually believing I mattered to somebody–less in the way as a cold fact and more real emotion within to recognize. It’s true things are different now in many ways. I’m not on the edge daring myself to fall anymore, but I’ve not been completely won over either. And I guess I might never be that safe again, but maybe there still is more good that has yet to show.

I’ve painted another little mother’s day card and found a sweet quote to include. My mother knows she’s the only one I’ve really kept hanging on for. I really don’t deserve her generosity or the faith in life she has shared with me. But I will try not to fail any further than I’ve managed to. I will try to believe as she does my patience will be worth it.

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First showing, all said and done.

 

These were some last minute additions to the other pieces I took to the May art walk at Essex Studios last weekend. A second painted body form and a glass dial I designed a little scene on.

So I went with my mother last Thursday to set up that afternoon. It was definitely something to set up all of my work and have to leave it over night, trusting all would be left alone until I returned…lol Despite my stuff being nothing to lose sleep over, I was a little worried. Below are pictures I took over the weekend. I did sell three pictures which included one of the small crayon drawings I’ve shared here. Several pieces of my jewelry were sold along with a blouse my mother made and one of her large quilts. Together we made twice the amount of registration, so I couldn’t walk away feeling too bad. I think what put me out more was how overdone I felt for what the reality turned out to be. That and also how few of the people we both invited actually cared enough to show up. It sort of confirmed how out of sight/out of mind I feel from others. Couldn’t help wondering why I tried so hard.

But then there was one truly bright moment where two of my acquaintances from the NAMI class I invited did follow through with their commitment to meet me there and see what I had to share. They said they got lost trying to find the studio yet managed to continue on and make it anyway. That really meant so much to me, and one of them went away with one of my favorite paintings. I gave her another one I saw she was interested in for free along with what she purchased. Both of these women said how proud they were of me for the work that went into this first showing. It was honestly difficult to find many words to respond with. I’m not used to support of the sort like what they showed me and it’s helped to push me further than I thought I was ever meant to go with my art, or involving others in anything I do. This could be the first and last show I do or the beginning of several for years to come for all I know. The possibilities are real though, and I am so grateful for that.

This was on opening night…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The wall after set up…

Below are some of the pieces my mother brought alongside me.

And a snap shot of her on day two…lol Caught off guard.

We brought some extra stuff the second day, but it was unfortunately worse than the first night as far as general foot traffic. A lot was going on in the city last weekend and I’m just grateful for those who did stop by our little booth and take in what was there.

In closing, one shot of me against the wall that my mother took at her insistence (you can tell I was beat by then…lol).

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