Works in progress. I have been in a real slump lately and wanted to share what exists now. Nothing is promised to be finished soon with the clutter in my head.
I had a therapy session this week after a three week absence. The doctor remembered me. It wasn’t until later that afternoon I realized how important that really meant to me. I don’t feel like I have a location in anyone’s memory, nor their future plans or heart in any certain way. And lately I recognize just how exhausted I am trying to choose over decisions I don’t care to make. Living is a choice and along with that comes the whole tangle of unfulfilled needs and effort given blindly, here and there, on and on just until. No guarantees.
I never wanted to feel hate towards living in this world. I never wanted my mind to cause so much distress to the point of losing my way all together. Of course I’m losing time, but I honestly never had much to begin with. One mistake might just have been all it took. Everything after is throw away. It could be just as true as anything else we’re told we should or shouldn’t hope for.