A watercolor portrait.
I wrote this poem with thoughts of a discussion in therapy having to do with identity. With the amount of reading I was doing before and after at that time,I needed some way to spill and this song was the result. This recording suffers for my lack of practice singing and playing with acoustic guitar. But I’ll probably go back one day and perfect what I can.
Not the life I was meant to live…
It is pain to ask that I
Keep my patience –
To mind the violent waves
Thrown about by the storm within.
Enraged as I am told against
Why not fill me again?
With familiar desperations
Where hope becomes guilt by the
Will of my self-hatred –
How you kill me, again and again…
No one here will have me.
World, I will never please.
Love should not have to be won.
Hope I’ll neither believe nor want
When still so without what I need.
I had my second voice lesson today and reached a note I couldn’t believe I was able to. As pointless and place-less as I am in this world and lonely I’ve been left, some things can still ease these hurts and make me feel grateful I still breathe.