To mind the violent waves.

A watercolor portrait.

I wrote this poem with thoughts of a discussion in therapy having to do with identity. With the amount of reading I was doing before and after at that time,I needed some way to spill and this song was the result. This recording suffers for my lack of practice singing and playing with acoustic guitar. But I’ll probably go back one day and perfect what I can.


The Disturbance

Not the life I was meant to live…
It is pain to ask that I
Keep my patience –
To mind the violent waves
Thrown about by the storm within.

Enraged as I am told against
Such ungratefulness.
Why not fill me again?
With familiar desperations
Where hope becomes guilt by the
Will of my self-hatred –
How you kill me, again and again…

No one here will have me.
World, I will never please.
Love should not have to be won.
Hope I’ll neither believe nor want
When still so without what I need.

I had my second voice lesson today and reached a note I couldn’t believe I was able to. As pointless and place-less as I am in this world and lonely I’ve been left, some things can still ease these hurts and make me feel grateful I still breathe.

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3 Comments

Filed under Life

3 responses to “To mind the violent waves.

  1. Your song is beautiful and totally captures the sense of depression, sadness, darkness. How much voice training have you had? You have a great vibrato!
    Honestly, I’ve wanted to write songs, and poetry (I did a bit for awhile), and do more art. But I get tired half way through, and I don’t really like my voice or I don’t think it’s good enough(I know when I am off key at least..) Probably just a giant self-esteem issue thing, and not letting myself do the things that probably would me feel good/express myself. You are very brave! You should sing this at an open mic sometime.

    • Wow, thank you so much for listening and your kindness to offer feedback. I have only taken two actual vocal lessons, but before these past two weeks I was singing and writing songs on my own for about three years now I guess. I completely understand how uncertain it can be when attempting a poem or sing a song of your own. It took a long time for me to share with others or get comfortable with even hearing myself recorded. But if it’s something you’re always drawn back into working toward then I hope you can continue and eventually create something you find is meaningful and fulfilling for you. I know I’ve learned a lot about myself through creative writing/expression and will say it’s been so helpful in going past a lot of self-doubts and personal fears. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts with me. I truly appreciate your time.

  2. Art will always give back. And I believe the more one pushes artistic boundaries, the better it gets. You are a great example. Your work, all round just gets better and even better. So impressive! So delightful to watch!

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