Monthly Archives: December 2013

The most special, the most lonely.

This is a short video with clips of several art pieces from 2013. The song I’m singing is a partial cover, the second verse of Regina Spektor’s All the Rowboats, one of my favorites.

The year is almost over and I don’t feel bad about where I’m leaving it. I have a job I’m tolerating, my family is in decent health, I’m finally managing better my own mental health and have stuck with treatment, I continue to paint, I continue with my music and writing…Things could be worse and they have been. I’m grateful for the stability given of right now.

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Of Shades and Shadow

A recent watercolor. Below is a recording of my reading a poem I wrote.

Seer

Here again, we are.
Try as I may, I fail to charm.
You could say anything to me.
Heal or harm, either way, I would still believe
You know and withhold everything I need.

Yet I still cannot think what to make of help.
You say and see the way
As I dream nothing is left.

Always I try to prove I can too, help myself.
Hoping one day I’ll show up as someone else…
Hoping one day I’ll make it through,
Without yet another death.

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I’m sorry I lose.

Sole

I must truly care,
Otherwise why worry?
How so easily I’ve been to scare…

I am sorry I lose hope the way I do –
Sorry and sick I have not brightened
The way you’ve told me to.

The way you just sink into your dreams,
When a heart truly wants
All that it needs…

Day used to feel differently, back when
The shade of fall leaves lifted by the breeze
Always found a place for me.

I’m still here waiting to be taken up;
Coping with my existence
Where no matter whom I’m with

I am all the more alone.

One of a handful of poems referring in part to my therapist along with anyone else I feel accountable to in someway.

Things are complicated in my head right now but I’m hanging in there.

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Pics from the Window…

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I spent last weekend in Chicago. It was my first time visiting the city. I loved the little I had time to experience and I’m certainly hoping to go back before too long. These are photos I took from the bus window on the way. The farm land covered with wind turbines while going through Indiana was like nothing else I’ve seen–was incredible to just watch up close for me. The group I rode with was a decent and funny bunch. The way back through the awful weather was made all the better for the mix of personalities (and the cheesy Christmas movies). I’m just grateful we all got back alive and had a cautious driver able to follow through.

 

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The Windmill

The Windmill

I wanted to recreate the landscape painting below on the left in watercolor as a new challenge/practice. It’s a small picture I bought from an antique store that caught my eye last summer. I have not painted or drawn a landscape in years and really enjoyed the task.

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Giving.

A watercolor.

I had a very lovely Thanksgiving weekend with my mother. She’d fixed our holiday meal days in advance so the actual day was relaxing, watching movies, catching up on my reading. The day after I spent at home writing and doing some recordings. I was scheduled to work at the store but decided not to show (Friday is my off day any how and black friday is not one I care to be stuck all day in a store–with my pay, it wouldn’t make or break me so I did what I needed to). Anyway, Friday evening we went to a concert of Rhapsody In Blue by the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra at Music Hall. My mother had a free ticket and she unexpectedly bought me one as well for that night. It was my first time going to Music Hall and I’ll never forget it. Very inspiring performances and I certainly have a greater appreciation for orchestra music because of the experience.

As a thank you gift for that ticket, I surprised my mother with a gift card to a restaurant we often go to together. It was enough for her to choose one of the more expensive dinner meals they offer of which she usually turns down getting for herself. I took care and didn’t want her to have to think about it this time.

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