These are both recent watercolor paintings. I know the point of using watercolor is its translucent/transparent quality and I pretty much disregarded any rules, but I thought I may learn to like working with it better if I could create something I didn’t all together hate. I had to get through the frustration watercolor causes me and have a little fun at the expense of attention toward developing perfect skills. So anyway, these were fun.
This first week of work (thank God I only go part time) truly tested me. The grip over my social anxiety has definitely improved as I didn’t panic and run when I encountered customers with questions. And I get along great with my department team mate.
But I also realize during the moments I was overwhelmed with stress, the familiar life/death, all or nothing set up took over my mind. I realize I’ve come to consider myself just as disposable as these jobs begin to feel the instant I’m made aware that all isn’t and won’t be the way I’d expected. Disappointment throws me far back still, especially when my own expectations are the true cause.
Just waiting for another day where I’m honestly happy to wake up and live again.