Failure, shame and surprise.

Flowers I painted for my mother recently. Finger painted background.

The last week has been one of the craziest (well, I’ve just felt the craziest).

I ended up applying for a part time, back of house retail job yesterday afternoon and was called for an interview that night. I scheduled it for this morning and I was actually hired on the spot after the interview.

I was on the edge Thursday from so much stress – my failure with the watercolor class (cutting a bad story short, I won’t be back) going almost another week without one phone call regarding any of my applications or interviews- and feeling painfully isolated. Yet now I have something to hold onto right when I needed it…I’m probably being foolish but with happenings like this it makes me wonder if I’m not being kept around, kept alive, for some hidden reason. I’m truly grateful, but I feel like I don’t deserve any of this to be– when things actually work out in my favor, you know?

The manager said she liked me. She noted how I dressed for my interview, brought a resume, was well spoken, seemed driven (and I never lied once while I spoke)…I’ve never been told things like that in an interview and was shocked she said she wanted to go on and hire me. I’m still processing the whole thing and I apologize for being all over the place, but I feel some hope again. I feel safe to keep a bit of faith that I might just be alright for a while.

I really do want that.

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4 Comments

Filed under Life

4 responses to “Failure, shame and surprise.

  1. Congrats on the new job. Perhaps part-time will leave you some time to “be yourself”.
    I hope that somehow you can learn that you deserve the very best life can offer, all the happiness and fulfillment in the world.

  2. Leave the title up top behind and write a new one:Prepared, Competent, Talented. You’ve earned it. :)

    • :) Thank you for being so supportive, Elena. I’m hoping to not only make others proud, but myself as well somehow this time. I know I can do better and will try my best. Please have a good week ahead.

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