These are photos I took back in July while outside at my family reunion. I had to get away for a little while and found some peace in looking up at the clouds that day.
A new poem song below. I was feeling weak when I recorded this and you can hear it in my voice, but it fits for the moment it was written–when I was trying to get through something that felt impossible to beat. I say I wish I could go back and fix all that I’ve ruined, but I don’t mean it anymore. It wouldn’t make me worth anything more to those in my life and I would still have difficulty forgiving myself as I do now.
To Wish Upon
Let go of the night.
But I would breathe again if I
Could just keep closed my eyes
And be safe and found
And be filled with the sound of sky…
The hidden space of time before time,
Before life…before light…
If I could just keep closed my eyes.
I’ve enrolled in a water color class set to being early September. One night a week for about two months. I’ve been discussing a lot in my sessions about how I’ve lived so far without fun or enjoyment of my own life ever in mind. I do things that I think are expected of me rather than building decisions around what future I want for myself (something I’ve never seriously given thought to). So having made this choice to take a class for something I’m actually interested in was a big step for me. There’s always risk of regret, especially when I feel undeserving to begin with, but I am looking forward to the class and hope enough others are registered to see it through.