The Enemy Within

“It was just too much too soon”

This is a drawing from last week as I remembered how I felt after the first day at my new job. I’ve made it through my second full week, but it seems everyday I go through the same inner struggle in wanting to turn away from the decision I’ve made. In wondering how much of a mistake I’ve made and how much strength I’d have to again start over. Luckily, by the end of the day I’m too exhausted to consider doing anything but rest my body. No wonder I get stranger looks from people at work…I’m at a small weight now and must look ridiculous hauling around my heavy carts every day. And today I felt it might be best to go simply because I don’t feel very welcome in my placement. I may be doing the work fine, but might be making others more uncomfortable (I certainly feel very uncomfortable).

I’m going to continue until a month has passed as I promised myself I would though. Below is a partial piano cover I did weeks back of my favorite Breaking Benjamin song.



Filed under Life

4 responses to “The Enemy Within

  1. An excellent drawing Allyson Marie. Got to say, that I doubt that you make others uncomfortable. I think we all have to stop worrying what people think. We’re probably not even on their radar. Haul on!

  2. Good for you, making it through the two weeks.
    The first month or two on a new job always feel weird because we’re self-conscious. Then we get used to the place, the people etc., and it becomes what we do. So even if you’re feeling it much worse than most people, there is hope that it will get better if you can give it time.

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