These sketches just belong together.
I wrote the poem below weeks ago after discussing something with my doctor that still leaves me feeling like I’ll endlessly be ramming into a brick wall as long as I’m alive. But anyway, I put that anger into these lines and tried, but failed by the results, to sing them how I meant. What else is new… My music is still a huge secret when I think about the time – something only I really know/care and have to obsess over. It’s keeping me though, whether or not the more days I have are a waste, some ideas aren’t letting me go quite yet.
You say no.
Too much I am.
It’s far too much I ask –
That you listen and respond,
Give me worth and grace me with your words
When I’m broken and begging you to mean the world.
Exhausted with my sickness, aren’t we all?
I promise you, it won’t happen again.
I promise I’ll do better to pretend I have no choice
But to survive,
Be strong enough to live up to this lie…
I must believe in what I’ve lost faith in –
Be against all that I trust.
When the silence and great distance are all that
I’ve ever known of love.