Don’t leave the worst out.

The Hate You Mean

Speak your heart.
Don’t leave the worst out – your hurt just for me,
The hate you mean.

I never needed you to lie. It rests at my foundation.
The sick of soul feeds from inside,
Scraping clean my humanness…

She is begging to die.

 —

Something I wrote days before deciding to leave the bakery.

I’ve eaten nothing for three days now. Still managed to do my routine exercising this morning, but definitely took it easy – I had no choice with the chest pain/short breath, but I felt better afterward at least. And I don’t feel like I have a choice but to keep myself empty until I have a reason not to be. There are no interviews, no plans to look forward to – just more nothing. A lack of will and lack of “life goals” that has no easy fix. I thought about contacting my doctor, but what can he do or anyone else? We discussed my taking a trip, but I’m in no condition to go anywhere by myself. And beside that, there will be the same emptiness to return home to. I’d rather not return at all.

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7 Comments

Filed under Life

7 responses to “Don’t leave the worst out.

  1. you are frustrating. anyone that can make art as beautiful as this has something inside them trying to break free. you just need to find it. eat something please. start meditating.

  2. if u have nothing to return to after you take a trip then why return, move somewhere. if u have nothing to lose then take risks! do something! ANYTHING!

  3. The eye in your image knows. It’s lush and full of color, promise, vitality. You are the only one who could make it. I see all kinds of light and hope and promise in you.

  4. Adjei

    That poem/song really struck me, it’s so honest. It’s that moment in a confrontation where none is to be left aside for the another time, all must be revealed no matter how damning

  5. Come live with me. My family is nuts, so you will feel right at home. And I have a piano. And a 25 foot high living room that resonates like a cathedral.

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