More to give, for the guilt…

“The pain that grips you…”

I wrote the poem below after having an interview months ago- then later on sometime I turned it into a song. The whole thing is about that process: preparing for the interview, trying to stay positive only to have a moment pass where you know you’ve been rejected. Anyway, I don’t usually use poems like this as lyrics, but I loved the escape it gave if nothing else.

And For What?

I showed up, sweetly.
So clean and decently draped,
A smile and lifted gaze,
With all things acceptable and
Perfectly placed.

Yet, once the uniform questions began to be spoken
I was punctured by the edge.
Life and death between your pen and written,
Ripping at my flesh.
Sickened to feel I am a threat – I am the unwanted.

My soul is handed over
All is done.
Lacking faith for the risks I take…
Meaninglessly overcome.

I put together a gift package for my mother this week, just because. A gift card, small box of chocolates and a scarf I saw her admiring. I feel bad for her having to be the only one around when I go through my low moods. Putting up with my distant and cold behavior…She’s far more patient with me than I’ll ever be toward myself.


Filed under Life

6 responses to “More to give, for the guilt…

  1. Did you ever look up Evenescence? Your tone is very close to hers, as is your music. You may relate. She sings a lot about her bipolar disorder. You have a rich tone, all it needs is a little polish–for fun you may want to find your best song and send it into Xfactor–look at their website. They were accepting MP3 recordings I believe a little while ago, although I have not checked recently.

    • I’m a huge Evanescence fan actually. Though I don’t try to emulate Amy, I’ve always been inspired by her lyrics and the band’s music. For a time I’d listen to nothing else. I thank you for listening. I know the quality is awful and I don’t plan to do anything with my music but continue as I’ve done to be honest. Performing in front of others is probably saved for another life if such a possibility exists…lol

      • I have horrible performance anxiety, but I love to record songs. Had I made any attempt, I could have performed opra, as I have a “stratospheric” soprano voice. But fear and opportunity held me back. But what I want to do is find a group to sing with, so I will be looking into the community program at my college, which has a great program. Look around, talent should not be suppressed, for the person who is missing out isn’t you, but the rest of the world. That is my new way of thinking about it. And like minded people make great friends…..

  2. Steven

    A very thoughtful thing you did for your mother. With all the stress we put on ourselves and the problems we have we often forget about how it affects the ones that love us most. So kind.

  3. Job interviews-ew. Yours was profitable-great poem/song and gorgeous painting!
    A beautiful loving gesture for mom. I ‘m sure you made her day.

    • Thank you so much, Elena. She did seem to appreciate what I put together for her, too. I bought a gift bag but decided instead to paint the wrapping paper I used (a large blank paper bag I took apart). I miss being a part of people’s lives in the way where I know them and can matter in some way… I look for that to change this year. Thank you again.

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