“The pain that grips you…”
I wrote the poem below after having an interview months ago- then later on sometime I turned it into a song. The whole thing is about that process: preparing for the interview, trying to stay positive only to have a moment pass where you know you’ve been rejected. Anyway, I don’t usually use poems like this as lyrics, but I loved the escape it gave if nothing else.
And For What?
I showed up, sweetly.
So clean and decently draped,
A smile and lifted gaze,
With all things acceptable and
Yet, once the uniform questions began to be spoken
I was punctured by the edge.
Life and death between your pen and written,
Ripping at my flesh.
Sickened to feel I am a threat – I am the unwanted.
My soul is handed over
All is done.
Lacking faith for the risks I take…
I put together a gift package for my mother this week, just because. A gift card, small box of chocolates and a scarf I saw her admiring. I feel bad for her having to be the only one around when I go through my low moods. Putting up with my distant and cold behavior…She’s far more patient with me than I’ll ever be toward myself.