Good one, you are.
Inching closer, you welcome him in
Ignoring all hints of caution,
Ignoring the shade that peeks from the
Tear of his worn grin…
Maybe it won’t happen again the way it did,
The way chain knots tighten
Once you think you’ve unraveled them.
It’s unknown in just how you will change,
If courage will have grown or fades when
Faced with the most upsetting of sames
We look up, but the
Moon fell a bit too soon for us to pray.
In moments such as this
I consider my restraint
Gathered in the beauty of this
One last thing I’ve had in me to love enough
I’ll not bring upon the death of.
Today was my final therapy session for the year, the final one before everything is reset again- the insurance and being billed again. I don’t even want to go there…Money once again getting in the way when I’m not worth it anyhow. Guilt I’ll never rid myself of. At least I got one last prescription written (a sleep aide) before I’m on my own again. I said I’d call sometime after I get my footing back with the bakery, assuming I go back once the new year is in.
Whatever though. None of this even matters when I’ve driven myself beyond the limit I touch on in the poem above. There is no ‘one last thing’ anymore. Being this separated from other people…I’m ashamed to admit I’ll never allow anyone to get so close. And what’s the point of going on alone when I know too well what that looks like and how it feels? I want an end – something to close this up for me and end the waiting and feeling I’ve grown sick of trying to bear.