Her heart, never so precious…

The Remains

Clinical and cold
A table –
There are bones
Then skin piled high in
A bucket right beside
Two of two squashed, flattened eyes

Fully dried out now, but many times met
The corrosive spell of tears a lifetime let.
Sectioned off – the unraveled guts…
Nicked kidneys and liver’s discoloration …

And set open over on a shelf in a tray
Are the shriveled, hacked remains of a female brain
A strange ooze of gray drains full its surrounding space
Such a devastating shade…her sickened inner world explained

Small objects and organs of a dead body spread
Parts of the collected mess that was a life once lived.
With her heart never so precious,
Now dropped somewhere in the corner on the floor
With its poor blood sneakily creeping beneath the door.

Even in death there is her reaching…
Though no one would dare show up.
There is nothing here well enough to ever be made use of.
They risk to breathe the mark of this air and blacken their own lungs

For the slaughter of self and soul she has become.
An awful remembrance it is
For those who may have loved.

———–

I had the most embarrassing phone interview this morning…

I’m going to give up trying to escape my job at the bakery. They’ll work me until I’m dead-which shouldn’t last too long- and that’s probably the way it should be. It’s about time I stop resisting. I can’t control life.

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4 Comments

Filed under Life

4 responses to “Her heart, never so precious…

  1. Phone interviews suck….only 7% of conversation are the words. The rest is body language, tone, inflection etc. And trying to convince someone on the other side who doesnt give a damn about you makes it an awful experience. I can imagine that it would take very little to mentally retreat. But dont give up, you cant control life but you can control your choices. Choose to keep on trying to find a fit that will fulfill your creativity. You may need a little coaching for interviews, I imagine that you struggle with thinking this is a waste before a word is said. And that will always limit you. Is there someone who can mentor you for interviewing?
    And wow, that poem became very powerful after your comment. But, dissected as you feel right now, that person on the other side is just a voice. I know this is tough, but take a deep breath and roll it off. You are not a pile of discarded pieces, you are a valuable person with much to give an employer.

    • Having been through about 50+ interviews over the past two years, I really think I’ve tried everyone’s advice by now. I’m just very tired of trying to “sell” myself and time after time be rejected. To put oneself through something so often that is painful and without benefit in what results isn’t what I want to do anymore. I know it’s not an acceptable choice to give up, but not to makes even less sense at this point (even though I haven’t yet).
      Thank you for reading, btw. This poem was written several months ago, but the state of mind I was in at the time is like now. Trying to remember just how I got by before and how much it even means to with things as they are.

  2. I’m with Brian. Please hang in.

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