Don’t have anymore to say.

Lately I have not been able to talk to anyone. Even a slight mention of something difficult going on with me and all I hear is advice offered I never asked for and never wanted. No one knows how to just be present with me when going through a rough time and not try to fix what can’t be fixed by anyone but me. This is where I feel insulted/offended in a way- whether or not it’s right to. Usually when people dish out their advice it’s in a way that assumes I have not tried to help myself or that adopting their way at solving my problems is as easy as simply repeating what they’ve said.

So, rather than allowing myself to become too furious and completely shutting down, I tried to express some of this anger in a song I wrote specifically tied to what I’ve mentioned above. I know this is more about what’s wrong with me than with other people and what they feel the need to say when I don’t take the usual route in lying about how I’m actually doing. But it still hurts and I’ve got to do something with that before I choose a bad turn.

At Your Word
(Lyrics)

It’s won me over.
It’s you I hate.
Go home now.
Don’t have anymore to say.

Foolish you’ve been to follow
You dare get in my way…

The edge, cold and cruel, is pressed
Kindness will not do
And I’ve grown sick here at rest
Filling up on you

I’ve listened, I’ve kept my peace
Despite all I’ve heard,
But my quiet calm has been disturbed…

For the more you think you know
The less good is done by me
In choosing to hold my own
I listen and in my hurt
I am made to feel worse

I have been through more
Than what your word is worth

Go home now.
Don’t have anymore to say.

———–

This week has been long and I’ve gained little hope. The benefit of sticking around is unknown to me and it’s easier to slip away. It’s worth more to me, so how can that not be what’s right?

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Life

2 responses to “Don’t have anymore to say.

  1. When I first realised how useless and counterproductive it is to give advice, I was aghast. I’ve done it loads of times, and I meant well. I still sometimes catch myself doing it, even though I know better now. We don’t really have a culture of listening and being present.
    I think it might have helped me, if someone had said: look, I don’t need advice, I just want you to listen.

    • I definitely understand. And I’m disappointed with how upset I seem to allow myself to become over something like this, where I know people mean well and only want to help. I’d like to remember to say just what you’ve mentioned. I think it would help a lot. Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s