Too much of a fool.

A sketch I’ve already done something with, but have yet to edit…

This life feels like a dead end, right now especially. It’s always difficult to explain the effort it takes in keeping even a simple amount of motivation for doing things. Today I only wondered why anyone at all would want to keep living. So far it’s felt like I’m constantly chasing something I don’t even want. I’m just supposed to want it. I’m too empty inside. Too late for friends and “connecting” with other people. Too finished to dream of having a career I love.  And for what it is now…to work 40-50 hours a week…for what?

Haven’t felt this low in a few weeks I guess. I was only waiting for a phone call (yes, for a job); it never came even though I was told I’d receive one today. I just hate myself for actually believing that lie yet again. Wishing my years were over with. This is painful.

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3 Comments

Filed under Life

3 responses to “Too much of a fool.

  1. Hang in there.
    Moods are like weather. We cannot control them, we need to accept them, and eventually, however unlikely it may seem, they pass.
    Quite a haunting sketch, too.

  2. Hi!! I found your blog by accident … we’ve got the same blog’s title, but I’m italian (sorry for my english ^^).
    I don’t understand anything you wrote in your post, but I can see you when you say you’re too empty inside, but … we must carry on, always … even I don’t believe it everytime. Sometimes it’s hard … and we can think we don’t want it at all.
    But we must.
    I hope you can understand my words (sorry for my english again, I tried to write something with sense)..
    Bye…

  3. STay here. Seek all the aid you can. Your art is only one reason to keep on, but it’s a good one. You ARE connecting.

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