For no one.

The fifth of those crayon drawings…

Below is a short, poor clip, written from one of the posts I recently put here titled Still caught, those sentences used as lyrics…

I know how it goes
Inconsolable
So alone

How many others without a face?
Without a name?

I am here for no one
And no one is here for me
And I will always need too much

I realized today at work that I’m in real need of friendship. Before I just thought of it as something that would happen again maybe down the road- new relationships and eventually having people to count on. But now, with the desire lately to burn my paintings and writing and myself in the process, I get how frustrated I’ve become with the lack of connection I feel toward anyone and everything I see/hear about. Stuck behind a wall still, even if things have slowly gotten better…It’s not yet enough to forget how easily and more often things can and do get worse. I want to let go, but that still means ‘not be here at all’ to me. Just need more time I guess.

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