This is a digital edit of one of the orchid photos I took at the 2012 “Butterflies of the World” show–the same butterfly show I’ve shown up to 4 years straight now.
The poem below began from thoughts I’d lost myself in many months ago, touching on the warped way I view love and all the strings attached. I start to think perhaps I’m only tolerated by my family and those who know me. And the only way I can be loved would be in their memories or in some idea of who I could have been that they choose to believe. Never alive the way I am now or how they know me in person. I’m basically saying decide who that person is and hold onto it, while I find my way out.
I sang this poem to a piano arrangement I’ve had memorized for years, finally putting it to use. That is in the first music page and a version I did with voice only and no piano is here: https://www.box.com/s/74cc16bea779af95b120
Decide the Memory
Broken deepens from the surface.
With one more hit
In pieces the face will fall away.
Though burdened, whatever I can I
Pick up again and try
No matter how long I’ve been without time
And you love me enough to let me lie.
Just follow along – I should be fine…
Knowing just what goes on, but
You don’t see it in my eyes…
And don’t listen,
Yet if you are to hear the heavy sigh
You must love me enough to pass me by,
And don’t worry, it will never feel right,
But understand, where I rest
Has long been within sight.
Accept me and decide the memory
You can love enough
To let me die.
Both versions disappoint me in certain ways, but it was just an idea I had to try following through with. When it comes to creating things, if I don’t attempt to make real what I imagine , it’ll bother/worry me for some reason. Had to get it over with.