And Again

Those Many Voices

The exit you have yet to find
Why drop your hints? Why take the time?

We’re too young or too old or we’re too far away
We can’t help and will not try—not for you, not today
But just like yesterday we say perhaps tomorrow
Then, again drop us those lines we have no doubt you borrowed

The illness – this “condition” I call it fake
And those scars…somehow you drew them upon your veins
Any doctor will be from your own pocket to pay
I will not encourage it; that is money I’ll not waste

You‘ve been through nothing
Just accept what you are told to be
Need only what I say you need
Just say that you are happy

They say you should go somewhere and hide
Trouble you make here, no one’s on your side
May as well go split your skin – bitch about and cry
What a treat – what sweet relief if you went on and died

Ask yourself ‘If its real then where’s the suicide?’
Think back—how many times have you even truly tried?…

———–

The poem is one I wanted to get off my mind and post already before I lost the nerve. I know how it sounds and I cringe, but hey- I’m not perfect, and I punish myself for it everyday. The photo above it is a kind of cactus I did a little digital editing to.

Went to the doctor yesterday, got referred to a psychiatrist, have new medication, and it’s official: I am underweight. Someone telling me this doesn’t make much of a difference though, it seems. I still did my biking this morning and still, 12 hours later now have yet to eat a thing.

Psych. appointment Friday afternoon.

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3 Comments

Filed under Life

3 responses to “And Again

  1. meredith

    I suspect that if nothing happened
    You wouldn’t have sliced,
    You wouldn’t be seeking psychiatric treatment
    based on a doctor’s assessment,
    And you could eat without feeling
    out of control.

    The poem says so much. Thank you for not losing your nerve.

  2. The colours in the edited photo look fantastic!

    I agree there is so much being said in each stanza of the poem but the last 2 lines:

    “Ask yourself ‘If its real then where’s the suicide?’
    Think back—how many times have you even truly tried?…”

    made me think of a song by the band Pantera called “Suicide Note Pt. 1”

    – Song – http://youtu.be/_zzUE6jSfjo
    – Lyrics – http://www.lyricsdepot.com/pantera/suicide-note-pt-1.html

    The majority of their songs are rock/metalish but this one is soft & I think you’ll relate a lot

  3. Caine

    Just a couple simple comments. First, I love the lines,

    You‘ve been through nothing
    Just accept what you are told to be
    Need only what I say you need
    Just say that you are happy

    How well that sums up our society’s “philosophy” of happiness! That absolutely meaningless dictum of “just think happy thoughts,” which of course translates to the expectation that you just think like everyone else, no matter how neurotic/psychotic our society is. McThinking, you might say.

    Second, agree with Adjei, the enhanced photo is great…and it reminds me of a plant called mullein that you see sometimes here in the Southwest at higher elevations, and of my old friend Paul who first taught me about it, way back when.

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