Is It Over Yet?

 
Word of a Picture

The ill bone, energies ache
A mind punctured into an unnatural drain
Stunned into pains difficult to explain

Taken down, a throw away,
I’ve never been awake
My eyes were closed for the face I gave

Long hours peel without any intake
Engrossed by the stream of voice these memories create
Stand near me,

Hear the insides scream to die
So nervous, uncertain and desperate in my crime
I should have decided sooner, pay no mind to goodbyes

Beyond all other matters my message was sent
‘Find me now – I am sick –
Please get me to the end’

——-

What a week.Watching all sorts of things go on with my family–it’s always other people…

I’ve been fasting, one small meal a day, along with over exercising. I do want to go too far. I really do. This thought that I am nothing has really taken the lead. I feel nothing, do nothing, want nothing so I should look like nothing. I need to get there. Running through my mind. I don’t really talk much about my personal life anymore here, but what real harm will an update do? It’s all okay. It’s all just talk, until it isn’t. And things will go on just as beautifully as they always have.

This painting was completed about two weeks ago. A real mess to finish, so I guess the title suits.

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5 Comments

Filed under Life

5 responses to “Is It Over Yet?

  1. this seems real sad. the fasting, the running, the hurting. i guess people tell you this all the time, but you can’t just run away: it’s not possible, not really. i hope it’s all ok though i don’t even know you. i guess sadness needs to be acknowledged. x

    • People actually don’t tell me anything. I’m a complete shut in / no friends or close contacts. You’re definitely right. I can’t run away from myself or my problems, but I can die away from them. It’s all caught up with me. I realize I would have never made it out anyway. So, I hope you’re well, and please take care.

      • Death is never the answer. Only hope for a new beginning, a new start. I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning, I didn’t want to wake up. I guess that’s how you feel, only a hundred times worse. Well, believe me, happiness will reach you eventually. You just have to keep holding on! xx

  2. I really love the painting, I feel like it captures where I’m at mentally in every way & the title seems so fitting too

  3. Caine

    Of course, I see the hopelessness and despair (or perhaps it’s simply ennui) in the painting, yet it is amazingly beautiful (you are truly a magician, to create such beauty from sorrow; in fact, I doubt you’re able to create anything other than beauty, from what I’ve seen). I have felt what this painting expresses, many times.

    Please don’t forget one other remarkable work of yours: Breakthrough. Remember that you are that, too.

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