Monthly Archives: May 2011

Dream Catcher

Make It Worse

They have taken their help
Now they’ve taken your hands, your legs
And your voice and your thoughts and your plans

And the ground by which all roots of will could stand
The right eye you are left with saw where the other ran
After it regretfully took a glance at
The without chunk you have become
They couldn’t take all but got so close enough
The feeling sinks in – your loss – the end
Whatever the reason…
Nothing you could have done

I know who you are and remember what you were
But who will speak?
Or is it now that no one should?
Where you stand needs a new way to be understood
Because everyone knows just how to make it worse
The listening hurts but you loathingly take in their words
In truth only enduring to see “better” meet it’s end
To believe in nothing more than the worthlessness of worth
Again, mourning the birth
Another sleaze of soul to earth

Darling, they dove from the skies and knew to drown
Your dreams never loved you enough to stick around

————-

A new painting and recent poem to share…The image began as something random to work on but eventually it started to remind me of a dream catcher, so I went with it. And for the lines, they come from the strange feeling I have when someone tries to give me advice in a way that suggests change and turning the situation around is so simple and easy…It feels cruel in a way, when I only want to speak and not have every little word torn into. But that’s the risk when putting thoughts out there and leaving then open for others to do what they will. Anyway…I get over it and them all the same in time. Whatever I actually mean by “get over”…

Link to this new print and most of the rest to see:

http://www.zazzle.com/amongtheashes

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Distract

I Blend

Side by side, they fall in
The contrast creates a shade
I have a name now and one direction
Careful steps I take, don’t you worry of when

Perfection behind the brights of heaven above
I’m beginning to love what I cannot escape from
Harm I inflict upon this body – where is my respect?
The shame, the regret of a “properly” broken spirit

Your god is angry with me; servant I’ve refused to be
The shock at my spots will cling until their eye whites bleed
Divine fury roaring through your hell of earth and sky
Have it your way, I’m out of sight
I still don’t care, you’re still not right

The book, the bell, the candle and curse
Summoned, disobedience, pressure against the nerve
I dare pray for what it’s worth, my same regurgitated verse
And into the night I blend; the rest of my lights broken in

Dissolved and part of all
A wind drawn rescindment

———-

The poem is from a few passing thoughts I wanted to lay out one day. I’ve gotten back to realizing I’d rather mess around with my writing and not make sense than feel I need to go by a structured approach. There’s nothing structured about my mind or in the way I take in this world and the more I pretend there is the more I stay away from it. And that’s no good. It’s never good when one method I use to cope loses its appeal or seems harsher than anything else I may try, to return to “okay” and get through the day.

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So Pretty In Your Pain

Request and Reason

Pronounced

Don’t let me just stand there
If ever you sense a hint of caution
You shake me out of it
You shove me off this edge and
You break me down from why I live

For the way I was looking up
They ask why I did not fly
Why fall to him? Because he takes me in
Always for the dying at last I decide
For movement, to act, to slash and slip
Frantic to somehow let go my grip

With not much of a choice, I choose
I have more of a right to lose
Always with my chance to miss
I’ve opened scars and all my marks
I’ve bled to a bliss

————-

The painting above is older, but I took another shot of it to bring out the color a little better. Still creeps me out a bit to look at this one, but it’s different from anything else and I actually appreciate that it disturbs me in a certain way.

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Want for a Way

A Fallen Fray

These acts of hate are out of pain from within me
From my meaning of you
From what I am, from what I say
It’s all the same, all the same…

And I want for a way to empty myself
And rest from where I’ve been
Fragile is my hope to understand
So do not wait for peace
Not even my own heart do I believe is on my side

I am not safe; shadow wakes to bleed and
Leaves only the truth – I am not brave
And I don’t have the strength to take all that I must take
A fallen fray of the dreaming, I remain unchanged
And spirit strays far out of my reach

I live and breathe the fool;
Desiring a view through this fallen rain
It’s not easy to reignite once without the flame
And of the terrifying few who still linger and loom,
I am one more half soul no one should save

———

These set of lines were originally written as lyrics, but for the music I put it with I only used part. I think it reads a bit weird, but anyway, just another attempt–trying something a bit different. The flower painting above it is from a couple of years ago, I just never shared the original before.

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Sun In Scorpio

Bound

Leave this where it lands
Don’t swish it away with your hands

Soggy and chill
The undone dream slithers about
Keep walking, wounds cover your legs
Filth and infection in and out, but go as far as you can

From the hell our world has become
Or rather – what it always was
The people must lie to say you are enough and
They pretend you are above the conditions of their love

Step out dark and wear them down
Petrify them with your sound
Bleed dim their sun and its manipulative front…
Let them know what they offer is nothing that you want

Gathered together – tightly bound, terror swells from beneath
You show them what you’ve found

————–

An older painting here as I work on another.

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Crazed

Don’t Look To Me

Take another
Teach them right
Make them dedicate their life

Don’t look to me
Too many cut throats are all you’ll find
You are not about to make me matter
When all these years it was clear I don’t

And I don’t want to see what I am too disgraced to touch
Just watching them all pass me up…
I won’t treat them the same; I won’t act as if I’ve known no change

Your happiness, always too young
You only know the sun, and your life is one made decision
Born – surviving at its ease…
Willing to be exactly what they think you want to be

—————–

Present state of mind, that’s all.

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