Monthly Archives: March 2011

The Knot

Where You Are

I won’t end up the same place
The worlds are shuffled constantly
Snow cold flakes…my shaven heart
I should be what and where you are
My quiet star, wingless one weeping in the dark

Here to see it happen, your death I endure
A betrayal for which I should suffer most for
Abandoned, beaten, re-torn and bleeding more
Arrested soul – the shadows curse
An inner light to scrape and scorch
Your meaning never replaced

My will never restored
A fresh, cutting grief be daily reborn

How is home? Center winds from which all chaos was blown
How given are the waters where from the roots of time still grow?
Wrapped within a truth of truth and purely collected
Vastly far out and unwound
At Beginning and End

Ever many times I decide to end my lives
For the faith from you I have failed to realize
The exalted, forgiving love to me you always meant
I will find my way to you once again

—————

The painting above was meant specifically for this poem, a kind of symbol representing some of the lines. There’s a worry I’ve had since childhood that is the foundation of the poem itself, and I think I’m completely put to ease now through what I’ve written. It’s helped far more than I expected.

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Lone


Lone

I know I said I would make it
Somehow I would get by and
Wake up again with the sunrise
The day it doesn’t feels so wrong to try

But less often now do I remember why I
Cared so much to compromise
I recognize your hue
You’ll understand then fade from view
The truth I’ve uncovered leaves our world without a sky
You can’t follow me and there is no where to hide

No treasure rests at the heart of my memories
I have learned to look at them and feel nothing
It’s no longer within me to grieve
One more loss among so many

You are better off left behind

—————

The image above is years old, I just went back and got a better shot of it. I used to do a lot of strange flower type drawings and this one has always made me think of solitude or reminds me of being a loner.The poem was basically a stream of thought that came about while listening to a song. Thoughts about people, disconnection and how far apart certain things can make us. I just needed to write.

I haven’t been doing too well lately. I’m afraid long past mistakes I’ve made are out to ruin my life now. But I’ve surprised myself with the writing I’ve started on. It seems I’m searching for a way to say something that’s been waiting to be told, so I can’t say I’m finished just yet.

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The Only One


Exception

Everyone is wearing their faces
Safe and fearlessly stuck in their places
And all I want is to take off my mask and swear
‘For all that is left in me, I WON’T CARE ‘

And laugh away my past
Give away all I have
For today and the rest of days
Shadows of light will separate
And night will fill my emptiness
Night be my escape
Find my way from here

The taken years; we are told to never let go
You claim I am no good now that I’ve said no
It is fair; if I have fallen, I am not the sort you miss
You won’t read between my lies,
You’ll not save me from my secret
I must cover up instead, even once the tears turn red
My screams of breath from this blood we share
For all that is left in me, I won’t care…

I remember a time when I knew love
When the warmth of our sun left not a scorch of sky above
When life was in everyone’s eyes and to dream should have been enough
But it came to be that all I would dream was everything I shouldn’t want
You look at all I’ve done,
You fear what I’ve become

By sharp edges of broken glass and how these memories will pass
Please leave me the only one

————-

It’s my fourth attempt at drawing that portrait. I’m sure if I’m still here in another year I’ll look at it and be completely appalled at the inaccuracy…lol Took about two weeks on and off. The poem beneath it started out as one thing then I don’t know. I’m just leaving it as is and probably won’t have it go with any music. Time’s running out and I’m okay with leaving somethings alone now.

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