This painting was originally just a sketch to pass the time. I think for me now it represents someone who has a leadership role, but they’re being worn down by the demands and responsibilities of that position. It’s not easy having to always be “on”, to say and do the right thing all the time and the expression reminds me of being both overwhelmed and lost or dead beneath this cover everyone knows and expects certain things from.
Already I am different
Take your pictures, watch my eyes turn red
I give you time to take me in
To understand what things you can
To flip the truth, to compliment
–Pretend I’m who I say I am
You know I have a secret
Somewhere safe, faces beneath the face
A feel of dense and joyless- I create
And I don’t have a stake but I know your game
My whole life is what I am willing to waste
And since you are afraid— you will stay right where you stay
As I sweat from the fires and let blood for the wake I fear
If I am to wait for the end
All they witness are the months I’ve aged this minute
Never ask what has happened and surely not where I’ve been
I am not just in pain or discontent
These years are of my worst regrets.
Exposed the very moment breath began
World, I mask to mutilate
And I must die from this mistake
The poem is something I wrote when I just felt the need to spill one night. Thinking too much on the past and about how much people think they know about a person, what their motivations are and what’s really behind what they see.