Monthly Archives: November 2010

When the Winds Sigh

Sun gracing the summer soaked leaves
A relationship so easy
Hummingbird tracks the butterfly
See a simpler way to survive

Unusual but never alone
Betrayed by one, then the rest of her drones
For what is better the old must die
New life from what is left behind

The noises of light stop
For the noise of night
When shades beneath become the sky
And those who must- get lost to hide

Life out of sight then back again
Only what you needed knows where you’ve been
When the winds sigh…you’ll give up when it’s time
And finally give in to closed eyes


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It spreads

Inside Out

The desperation it gives
It doesn’t care if I live
And the hopes you are so taken with
I’ve refused to take in

The meaning is so weak
It cannot stand alone
It cannot see, hear or speak
It cannot ever know

Wasn’t I stronger than my shame?
Didn’t I forget their names?
There is no spell within my eyes
I see it’s all a show

And those watching already know
They’ve turned me inside out
The ways I’ve let them keep me down…
Those better reasons I’ve not found

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In Search

In Search

The chaos was too much for itself
And what more can I do?

She sits from one hour to the next
Pinching at the skin of her arms and wrists

Needing somewhere else to go
For you to recreate some easing sense of hope

There’s a mist of old promises
Forgotten dynasties of gold

She is in search of what was a soul
Of what became a memory then its faceless ghost

But its signs are timeless, swept up in sacred sands
Of the first and most forgiven of sunsets


The painting is one I finished yesterday. I’ve no idea what it is, but I had in mind a moth or butterfly like figure seeking the light or reuniting with it (or hoping to). The poem is from a collection separate from my other stuff that I’ve named “The Scraps”…lol That’s really all they are. Loose ends I’ve actually finished tying up as of today.

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From Atop Their Suns

What are they?
Falling down the way they do
Where everyone can see
Shouldn’t death always sneak up on us?
Please lull me from this dream

Don’t think I don’t remember, I have to die young
Like the luxury that no one wants,
Reckless but right, I grip this gun
No one would ever know

So many times I’ve jumped from high atop their suns
When will the breath give out? This body, all my blood
The soul has already escaped my cell
When time runs out I listen in love
As the bars crumble to their hell


The lines aren’t very good but what’s new….lol. I need to stop rhyming don’t I… The painting is based off a photo of Amy Lee that is a favorite and one I always thought would be great as a painting. Not saying I did it justice, but I tried to at least show near the same sense of freedom and clarity I take from the original picture. It’s been sitting around unpainted for months and I finally got it out of the way.
This is all I’m doing. Finishing drawings/paintings and pieces of writing. Putting them all in a book for someone to eventually find and burn. At least that’s what I’ll ask them to do. If I’m going to feel as embarrassed about these things then that’s all I deserve to see happen to them. I know I’m not making sense. It’s not even important so I’ll leave it alone now.

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After the Rain

Be Gone

“Don’t hide yourself, give open eyes to this rain fall
Don’t worship the walls surrounding you so tall
Beyond your secret there is something else to be
A better voice to listen to
Better things to dream”

I thought I could hold on to you, but
To keep and to lean feels wrong
When lifting you up means you must let me down
All it means when you hold on

Your well wishes were not very loud
What you’ve seen in the light is not what I’ve found
Just say it’s easy, what you know is all I need
While at night every one of my faces bleed

Hope and gratefulness—arrogantly proud, but
I love it when I drown, when I decide to do without
When I am lost I never can scream
Because Gone is always with—
“Be gone” is all that I believe


The lines above are basically about being resigned to the idea you are misplaced, and anywhere on the outside is exactly where you belong.

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Every time I bring it up…

The Weakness

No, you aren’t better
You aren’t stronger than I
Never having had to reach
This high beneath the knife

It’s been about the spiders
Nesting in your ears
Every time I bring it up
That I’d rather not be here

My last bitter wish tossed
And taken by the well
May your indifference drag you
By your feet into my hell

I embrace this low and desperate site
And thank God every single night
For End, His only sure promise
Someday well all will die

Come closer now, you’ve got to see
It’s not about strength
It’s been about this weakness…
Being strong enough to break

Choosing to stand alone
To disperse all faith
To quietly become the pain
And never let it go

Please, stop pretending.
You have never been
Your own


All I can say about the poem is I was angry when I started it. The drawing is my attempt at doing a portrait with semi-hard pastels. I don’t use them normally because they’re hard to control, but I tried. The eyes are painted with acrylics but that’s it.

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Left to You

Left to You

Midnight is what I knew
You’re cutting off my air, bleeding out my eyes—
Your light is not my kind
My half dreams are left behind
Breathed out with the sunrise

I will never be okay
I surrender; it’s not you I blame
It’s not the failure of your faith
I always get in my own way

And more will I be worth
Once I split and seep into the earth
My path is not together
My weak spirit screams apart
I’m not going to get better

Old shadow’s liquid decay
Fills up around the heart stone
Makes heavier this weight, and left to you
This soul I could not save


Just felt like blending colors together. Not feeling too well.

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