The Mid-Point

I’m not sure if I’ve ever posted this image here, but I named it Decay after the fact when writing one of my poems with the same name. The original painting looked nothing like this, and I don’t even have it anymore.

There’s nothing left of it except this edited version.

The tighter rope is round my neck

The better I can breathe

Faster the heal and met wellness

The longer I must bleed

 

Yes, I blinded myself with light

The hopeful and all good

Yes, I tried and gave it time

As they say you always should

 

But tell me where the mid-point was

From peace to grievous screams

From living through my decisions

To feeling so deceased

 

Healthy ways did not feel right

And faith became my failure

To fight a desire to die

In pain, so long endured

 

I just wrote this a few days ago, so it sounds sort of like a journal entry probably, but anyway. It’s about wondering when exactly good feelings and hopes all started to seem like negative things in my eyes. When pain and darkness, and feeling low became something I’d prefer over the brighter parts of life. It may seem strange but I can’t explain it any other way. I just wonder sometimes when exactly everything started falling apart. I guess it gets lost when you’ve got one failure right after the other, disappointments all over the place. The beginning of it no longer even matters.

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1 Comment

Filed under Art, Death, depression, Life, pain, personal, poems, poetry, Thoughts

One response to “The Mid-Point

  1. lucienlachance

    It does look like decay. It reminds me of all the roots that you find underground, I guess because of all the shades of brown. The first thing I thought when I saw it, was ‘grave’, like the hole that had been dug in the ground. I think that might have been because of the title. ;)

    “The tighter rope is round my neck
    The better I can breathe”

    Damn, how true is that? I think you really did get the message across with this poem, particularly with lines like ‘Healthy ways did not feel right’. I think I definitely understand about what you’re saying, how you want to hold on to hope, but in the end it is not enough, it is never enough. I think society has been brainwashed to believe that everything naturally wants to live, and as a consequence, they think that you can just ‘make’ hope when you don’t have anything else. But that, unfortunately, isn’t true at all. It’s just another lie. Hope is something you have or you don’t have, you can’t just force yourself to have hope, that would cheapen it. It would be the equivalent of say, forcing yourself to love someone. It just doesn’t work like that.

    I don’t really remember the start of this either. But I know that the last year or so it has gotten so much worse than I ever predicted. I think you’re right, it doesn’t matter when it started. All that matters is how it will either be dealt with, or…ended.

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